Thursday, April 26, 2007

love, indifference and the bear


20th century american novelist and essayist joan didion wrote:

"To have that sense of one's intrinsic worth which constitutes self-respect is potentially to have everything: the ability to discriminate, to love and to remain indifferent. To lack it is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference.”

my New Warrior animal name is "Black Bear." it came to me in a visualization and i wanted to be a horse but the bear wouldn't have it; it moved in front of the horse and wouldn't budge. the more i've spent time with that bear's energy, and my own, i've learned that a black bear is a good thing to be, a good reflection of where i am in my life. the bear is gentle and aware; it saves its fighting energy for when it needs it; it sleeps - hibernates, even - when it needs to, and makes provision beforehand; it rests; it goes slowly most of the time, simply because there's no hurry. it plays. it fishes. it goes into its cave. it climbs trees and rocks. it sits in the sunshine. it cuddles its loved ones. it walks by itself sometimes. if you don't mess with it, it couldn't care less about you. it'll look over, and then go on about its business. you're free to go.
that's another way to express self-respect.
didion says that when we have self-respect, we can love, or remain indifferent, and either is fine. "indifferent" in this sense, to me, means to love without strings attached, without attachments and bullshit.
that's what i want. jesus had that.

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