Tuesday, July 31, 2007

how i get help being in mission and staying sane, list 1

1. janettee, leslie's and my wonderful therapist. she helps me see when i'm falling back into old patterns, the ones that i developed as a child to survive, but which i don't need anymore. she helps me see myself more clearly, and reminds me that i am a child of god. and she gives me tools.
2. friends. i have many, many wonderful friends. from high school. from college. from L's and my early married days. from tyler in east texas, where we lived for ten years. from the church before journey. and journeyers.
i turn to friends for support when i'm sad or depressed or confused. when i'm angry. when i just want to laugh or cry or sit and stare. or just ask a question, like, "what the hell?"
3. journey ifc. when i am leading a talk with journeyers, or worshipping with them, i slip out of my head and into spirit space. it's because the journeyers invite Spirit in and let Spirit work. it's freaky and wonderul. i really believe in what we're doing. and journey feeds me.
4. journeyers. they actually give a shit about me. they check on me, ask how i'm doing, offer to help, give ideas. and let me sleep on sunday afternoons. seriously. (being in that Spirit space all morning with and for the journeyers is exhilarating and filling, and then i'm drained. it's not like having run a marathon or moved furniture all day. it's not fatigue. rather, it's as jesus says after the bleeeding woman touches him and is healed, "power went out of me".)
i can honestly, truly say that i've never - in ten years as a college teacher, 10+ years as minister in organized religion, sunday school teacher and church volunteer and pta and school volunteer, neighbor, etc - been part of a group of people who were more loving and gentle and strong and centered than the journeyers. they are just cool. they are real. they are unselfish.
5. the new warrior experience. i went on my warrior weekend last august and i am forever changed. now there are men around me who are also initiated men, who are dealing with their own shit, and support me as i look at myself and learn how to be healthier and healthier. it's truly a group in which i am not just allowed but guided to shout, cry, curse, struggle, confess. i would say it's like group therapy or a recovery group, but it's very, very loud and its native american/mythic ritual and imagery make it unlike anything i've ever seen. do it.
and, to end and be the best part of List 1,
6. leslie, alex, and caitlin. i have three people in my life who are my home. i don't mean, they live in my home; i mean, i look at them and i feel connected to my own heart. my best self. they are truly loving, caring human beings. funny. smart. strong. growing. learning. creative. curious. thinking. we all love cats. we all love laughing, movies, talking. they all pick wonderful friends and have healthy priorities. and more than any of that, my heart sings when i am near them, or think about them.
here's the weird part: not one of them really realizes this, not as deep as it runs in me. i know it's not because i haven't told them; i have, over and over. i promise. i think it's because they're all humble and unassuming. i know they know how much i adore them. but maybe it's like god's love - i love my wife and son and daughter SO MUCH that it is bigger than the UNIVERSE. when i tell them that, or try to explain it, how are they to make any sense of that anyway? so i think they just believe it as much as they are able, and then go on.

this is only List 1 of the things that fill my soul and help me. can you see why i'm the luckiest sonofabitch in the world?


writeright007 said...

i would say that could be the beginnings of 6 chapters for your new book "through the eyes of Christ".
ok so i am making up a title too. can't help it don't want to help it.

man oh man alive...you do beat all!!!

i am telling you right now their is not a wife, alive that wouldn't want to hear those words spoken to about her and your children

where much is given much is expected! so you lucky SOB , no i would call you a fortunate SOB.

i would add... some people have a special gift "Charisma"... you have that gift. i KNOW you do. its rare and precious. one must learn what it is...how to use it for the betterment of others keep care of it by simply taking care of yourself.
ask any one that has been in your presence i can tell you right now. they will all agree you have touched their life in a way they can't quit describe but feel a newness of life and hope afterwards.

no your not perfect and yes your human and have your issues as we all do. but that gift is not for the weak in heart. its a big responsibility...which I can tell you use it every day by reaching out to others .

heres the deal ... you must not take these words and turn them into something that eventually makes you FEEL REALLY BAD about your self. rather.. you just put them on a shelf and save them for the day you need a pick me up.

no... no one paid me to say these things. :):) its just TRUE!

Rick Diamond said...

THANK YOU NANCY!!! you're the best. that made my DAY!

writeright007 said...

da' notta...amigo

Nancy :)

writeright007 said...

i have been reading Karen Halls blog for years and use to comment .but i still enjoy when she writes about her writing. she writes for tv and movies.
has for over 25 years now. she has so many shows under her belt ones we have liked and loved in the past. 30 something, that one in alaska we use to have to race home and see after class. MASH, chicago hope, judging amy, the list is much longer than i can begin to remember.

ok she has been the writing producer /show runner for judging amy . except for the last year of the show. any how.. she is working on a new project. she had the coolest pic of her writing stuff all spralled out on the floor. here she writes about that experience.

i know you will relate totally to this.
she is a fantastic writer,i always love watching her shows and her sister shows. who is Barbra Hall. she developed and wrote JOAN OF ARCADIA.. it makes me pissed off they quite airing that show. it pissed her off too

she has a new tv series she has dreamed up and its hers and its called vows. she has written it loosely about her mother. southern mother!!!and its been bought i know that much.

she talks about her deadlines ..and her wrestling with the script .
i use to think it was going to be a movie. but i think now they are shooting for a tv series. enjoy rick sit back kick your feet up and get ready to relate and say well I'll be damned if we don't all get our selves in a wad when theirs a dead line and well enjoy her recent blog my friend. it will put a smile on your face.

"It's come to this...
Don't ask me why, but...

When I reach a point with a story outline that is giving me trouble -- the way the "Vows" outline has from Day One -- where I realize that the story and I are down to the wire in a fight to the finish, I go to the floor. Maybe it's as simple as the fact that it's a good place to spread out with my charts and colored pens and all the notes and scribbled half-scenes and everything else that accumulates around a project. But I think it's more psychological than that. It's me facing off with the Plot Rebels, the little army of scenes yelling "we will not serve," and letting them know that they haven't won a battle yet in almost three decades, and this one is really not going to be their first victory.

What I know for a fact is this: at lunchtime, I still had an unruly mess. At 3:00 p.m. I moved to the floor. At 4:30 I called my boss and told him I was going to turn the outline in tomorrow, and I have no doubts about my ability to do that.

Here's what I never learn from my trips to the floor: get to the fight-to-the-finish sooner. Go to the floor before it seems hopeless. I don't know why I am incapable of remembering to do that, but I am. I seem to be unable to write a project without getting to the stage where I just know that this is going to be the time that I have to call my agents and tell them to give the people their money back, I can't do it. And then I wonder if there is any other alternative, and gut instinct kicks in and sends me to the floor.

In case you haven't figured this out, writers are very odd people. As I frequently tell my husband, "I'm glad I don't have to be married to me."

Posted by khall356 on July 30, 2007 at 09:03 PM |