Monday, February 11, 2008

no, really, go ahead.

sorry - it's been a whole week since my last post. a busy week. our daughter's birthday party. many, many things going on with our faith community - not crises, necessarily, just lots. in-laws in from out of town. another birthday party for our daughter. an all-day drill team dance competition.
anyway, i've missed you.
when i'm writing, it's a sign that things are healthy for me. no, wait, that's too passive a way to say what i mean; rather, when i'm writing, it's a sign that i'm paying attention, listening - and that i'm taking steps to be healthy. (my friend shelton says "spiritual fitness.")
when i don't want to be spiritually fit, i can find SO MANY ways not to be. i can:
  • watch tv for hours. i can justify that by watching home improvement shows, movies with depth or human insight (citizen kane, animal house ...), or documentaries. about, for instance, the movie animal house.
  • rearrange my itunes catalog. download songs and add them to my itunes catalog. look for album artwork for the stuff on my itunes catalog.
  • straighten the garage - but not really make it any different.
  • eat. or not eat.
  • run errands.
  • avoiding.
  • update facebook (a new way for me to invest time and energy in something that doesn't really make my life any more healthy. great. why am i signed up? because my friends are! is this like 6th grade or what?)
here's the weird part: when i'm spiritually healthy, taking steps to do things with my day and week and reading and body and soul that feel right and help me breathe, these things often take far less energy than doing the things on the above list. when i'm trying to zone out or avoid, doing the items on the above list, it takes energy to keep my head and heart from repeating, "dude, what's up? you hate doing this shit.
  • go outside.
  • work in the yard.
  • call a friend and say hi.
  • write.
  • read something meaningful.
  • take a nap.
  • work.
  • pray.
  • journal.
  • hug your wife.
don't do this other dumb stuff that you hate wasting yourself doing. get up! quit it!
... or, you know, if this is what you really want to do, then, really - go ahead. but you don't like it, and you know it."
i concede that when there's a lot happening just logistically in my life - a daughter's birthday and in-laws here, and a house to clean to prepare for that visit, and a few evening meetings at the jifc warehouse, and special stuff to prepare for lent, etc etc etc - slack time just becomes less available.
but still. i can choose for my life to be completely logistically full, if i want to.

it's good to have a jiminy cricket. is it Love? my soul? god? my deep inner knowing? whatever it is, i'm glad it keeps reminding me.

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