Sunday, October 19, 2008

high school reunion stall phone call re dog

my wife and i went this past weekend to dallas, for my wife's 30th high school reunion. it was really fun. my wife looked like THE BOMB! beautiful in a shiny red dress. i dressed up in a suit i bought just last week. it's the first suit i've had since high school. it was, believe it or not, fun to dress up. as long as i don't have to dress up like that every day, or even every sunday. ugh.
we stayed with my wife's college roommate, sharon, a single mom who is hilarious and has a beautiful heart.
i got to meet a bunch of people i've heard about for years. plus, i got to see my awesome friend greg and meet his friend valerie. that rocked.

so i'm standing at the urinal in the men's room at one point during the party last night. this is happening at a country club in dallas, very fancy. beautiful rest room, with an entryway with cushy chairs. clean rest room, too. and as i'm urinating, i hear a man speaking pretty loudly behind me. i realize he's in a stall. i wonder if he's sitting down, or talking on his cell phone while standing, which can be done, but it's challenging.
anyway, imagine an accent like jeff foxworthy's. not horribly countryfied, but a texan/southern voice. i don't quite know what he's talking about at first. it's just disorienting. i can't see him. and the voice is sort of echoing. i hear something about mama. it sounds like he's talking to a friend. about a dog ... he says he'll come and take care of it ... he says something about "put to sleep." he chuckles.
is he a hit man?
then i hear him saying, "yes, mama. i know. you've had him a long time. he's been a good dog." and then, "you need to put him down. i know. it'll be alright." then something about "the cats" and then "sister" and "i don't like 'em."
i'm finished peeing now but i can't stop listening to this. it's fascinating. and weird. oh - and the country club wallpaper i was looking at was very nice.
he then adds, "hey, laurie lawrence [i made that up; i don't know whose name he said, but it was one of the people at the reunion] says hi. laurie and her husband, billy [or whatever her husband's name was] says hi too. you remember them. don't you remember? she was a senior ..."
and then i zip, flush, and leave. i allow a quick look to the left, and sure enough he's sitting in the stall; i see his feet. maybe he's avoiding the reunion. maybe it's a girl who broke his heart. or someone he broke up with. or maybe his wife wanted to come to the reunion more than he did. or maybe it's a digestive issue - but the bathroom smelled so nice and country-club-recently-cleaned, probably not. maybe it's just that his mother's needing help with this sick-dog dilemma.
as i'm washing my hands, he's still talking.
i think about staying outside the men's room, just to watch who comes out. (i'd do it looking aside, like a detective in the movies.) but i don't. who knows? maybe it's one of my wife's favorite friends, and i'd hate to tell her his mom was putting the dog down.


lisa carlton said...

thanks for a good laugh this morning!

KellyLawson22 said...

Yes, a good laugh indeed!

nonprofitprophet said...

i tell ya, there's nothing like a country club restroom. ~npp

Mayor McCheesalot said...

I can't imagine wanting to hold a conversation with someone over the phone while I am sitting on the crapper.

I can only imagine that scene from Dumb and Dumber with the explosive (you know what) and then trying to talk to my mom about her dying dog.

Holy Crap batman.

bobstolehiscar said...

i love your writing! even stories about trips to the can are intriguing! i need details on this new book! lunch soon?

journeyingrick said...

glad i could serve y'all's monday morning by telling a little story about a dude in the men's room. greg's friend valerie suggested blogging it.
bobstole - yes, lunch !
npp - golf and beer!

Awesome Friend Greg said...

Naturally, of all the people who came to the reunion, this happened to YOU.
When the student is ready, the pooping son of canine euthanasiast appears.
So great to see you and your smoking hot wife, my brother.