some excerpts from the guide to life, “How Not To Follow Jesus”

#5:

Say prayers that sound important.

#99:

Worry that you're not the absolute beloved of God.

#108:

Worry.

#2:

Refuse to trust that Jesus knew what he was saying when he told us to look at flowers and get some perspective.

#38:

See other people as objects.

#239:

Know Jesus' story about how the fool said to himself, 'I will build a bigger barn' … and build a twenty-million-dollar worship center anyway.

#41:

Speak with hatred or disgust about, or to, a human being. As in, “God hates fags” or “Terrorists deserve to rot in hell” or “That bitch!” or “I’m a fuckin’ loser!”

#4:

See other people as “the” whatever – “the poor,” “the homeless,” “the enemy,” “the rich,” “the conservatives,” “the Christians,” “the Muslims,” “the hypocrites.”

#809:

Belong to a church and be an asshole at the same time.

#410:

Act with cruelty or selfishness toward things or people that you perceive as weaker than you are. Children, old people, animals, family members, “those less fortunate.”

#9:

Hoard.

#504:

See yourself as less than.

#70:

Make it all make sense.

#26:

Refuse to throw the net on the other side of the boat. Even when – or especially when – you’ve caught nothing all night. And you know all about fishing. Or life management. Or whatever you think you know all about.

#190:

Give up wrestling with the question about what belongs to Caesar and what belongs to God.

#59:

Believe that what you own will make you happy.

#792:

Refuse to believe that your birth was miraculous.

#6:

Give up. (Not to be confused with Letting Go.)