Tuesday, August 4, 2009

little baby steps into a big thing

i'm having blood drawn in the morning. i don't mind. the place i go has great people who take a few vials prettypainlessly. and i've got big veins. big fat ones. so, i'm lucky. one phlebotomist years ago told me i'd make a good junkie since my blood vessels are so easy to stick with a needle. so i've got that goin' for me, which is nice.
i've been watching what i eat for many months now, and have kept my weight pretty stable, though i still don't really watch out, and i can feel it when i eat a bunch of crappy food. no good.
i started exercising in the mornings seven weeks ago and THAT was AWFUL. i have never - and i mean never - exercised before in my life. no athletics in high school or college. p.e. class in high school, but we didn't exercise - just did basketball or track randomly. i took intramural badminton as a p.e. class, but that doesn't count. and i don't guess my college bowling class counts either.
throughout my adult life i've tried a couple of times to "get into shape," which is a before-you-even-start-you're-doomed thing to say - i mean, what does that even mean? it's not exactly a measurable goal. but i always quit pretty quickly anyway. i always hated running. i hated doing pushups and all that.
but i just have felt for a long time - with much encouragement from people who care about me - to start moving my body. i was scared. but i finally, finally, finally signed up at the little fitness place on the corner of our neighborhood, and a friend joined too, and another friend had just joined not long before that - and now we're there early in the mornings. it was awful that first couple of weeks. i hated it.
now i love it. something broke through. it FEELS good - in my body and in my soul. i sweat. i push myself. i hurt. it's good.
but it was so so so so so scary to walk into that gym the first time.

i think this is what happens with people who are afraid to do spiritual work. it seems overwhelming - god? jesus? church? getting spiritually fit? the bible? completely intimidating. i grew up going to church so it's never been that big a deal to me - sort of like the people who grew up physically active, for whom working out or running or whatever isn't scary.
it makes me happy, then, that i'm part of a faith community that welcomes people on purpose - not a passing of the peace but a serious effort to help people feel at ease, not just when they walk in the first time, but that they are welcome as they are, with all their questions, whether they know jack shit about the bible or doctrine or anything like that, or they don't, or they don't even care.
we're not a bunch of people showing off how buff our souls are.
we're much more like the schlubs at Average Joe's ...

anyway, i hope when i have my checkup with my doctor, my cholesterol is better. should be ... but either way ...


mike said...

When I was a kid I ran, jumped and played because it was fun. Then I learned to compete. After that, I learned "it was good for me." As I learned all that, I became "mature" and concluded that fun was for kids. I think something similar happened with prayer and church and a lot of things assoicated. I got fat and unfit, lost a lot, and lied that I was smarter. I didn't like myself, and thought that was God's judgment. I think that shit is like a big plate of chili cheese fries -- it takes a lot of sweat to burn it off. I hope that you have continued success in rediscovering the stuff underneath the flab and the the things you have learned...

Burf said...

told ya so!
Love you and the misses and the chidren.

Rick Diamond said...

mike - yes, brother. burning it off.

burf - yeah, yeah, you sonofabitch, you were right ...