yes yes yes ... is the answer

so, if you're looking for me, i'm over at

2011-07-25T14:37:00.000-06:00

www.peacefulblackbear.blogspot.com --- more blogging, more thoughts, more life.

break-taking

2009-09-27T19:52:00.002-06:00

i'm taking a break from blogging - i didn't realize i was, but i am - because it's time for me to get serious about a book proposal i'm preparing.

i'll post from time to time but for those of you who follow this blog, that's why there are only going to be a few posts here and there.

say a prayer ...

go to failblog

2009-09-02T07:56:00.001-06:00

this is the funniest thing i've seen on the internet in forever. thanks caitlin for the recommendation!!!

failblog

oh, and this is not a fail - it's a win!

see more Fail Blog

the beauty of really awfsome things

2009-09-02T06:59:00.006-06:00

have you heard the term "awfsome?" as in, that is so awful that it's awesome.

but it's not enough to be awful. something has to be SO awful that it heads all the way around to awesomeness.

thanks to sr. mexicant's blog, i have some truly awfsome album covers to share with you. enjoy! i hope you have a super-great day!

fun with quentin, hitler, and the bear jew

2009-08-31T07:35:00.003-06:00

is he a goober? yeah. big nerd. big-chinned big nerd.
is he a cut-and-paste borrower/mash-up d.j. of films and genres and language? yes.
can his films contain elements that are cute and self-referencing? yes.
does he just plain like violence and blood? yeah, the man does. sometimes i get grossed out.

but quentin tarantino can tell a story. and enjoy it. and bring audiences into it. and inglourious basterds is a really, really well-told story. and it's, i dunno, quieter than some other tarantino films. which i think is good, a mature sign; the movie isn't in any hurry - because as it goes along, there is a cliff ahead, and so why rush? the whole thing is headed over the edge anyway; but i felt like i was in good trustworthy hands as i was tumbling. which is all i ask for in a movie.

here's one of my very very very favorite poems

2009-08-28T07:41:00.002-06:00

Today, like every other day, we wake up empty

and scared. Don't open the door to your library

and begin studying. Pick up your musical instrument.

Let the beauty we love, be what we do.

There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth.

- Jelaluddin Rumi, 13th-century Persian poet and mystic, and all-around Jesus-y man

It Was An Honor, You Crazy Girl

2009-08-26T06:43:00.004-06:00

Olivia, the Tiny. then, Olivia, the Shy Cat. then Olivia, the Sassy. then, Olivia, the Queen. Olivia, the Old Lady. Olivia, the Slow But Still A Badass.
and now - Olivia, in cat heaven. we were with her for 15 and a half years. i brought her home, one of a litter of kittens cared for by a friend from our then-church. when our kids were six and three. now they're 21 and 18. olivia wasn't named yet; my wife named her. she said she didn't know why "olivia" fit her - but it felt right.
from the beginning, olivia was shy. which is tough when you're a kitten among big expressive people like the Diamonds and the folks who'd come by. olivia would act like she was just sniffing you, then pause, then hiss and swat at you. and the she'd run off.
we're not sure what the kid in the famiy who gave olivia to us had done with the kittens born in his house, but the story we heard was that he, also a very young child, had tossed the kittens against the walls. so, there's that. but, she was just shy. kept to herself.
didn't come and get in your lap if you called her. didn't do ANYTHING if we asked her to. no tricks, no obedience. but she wasn't wild, or mean. she was just her own girl. so, we often called her the queen.
but it was funny because she was little and skinny.
she loved bling; she wore a collar. when her collar would get worn out, and we'd get her a new one, she'd stretch out her neck and let us put it on her. like a rock star being dressed for a show.
but when she wanted to be close to us, or when she was cold, she'd walk over casually, and jump up into our laps, and allow us to pet her. and, depending on whom she'd decided to sleep next to that month, when it was bedtime, she'd jump up into that person's bed and snuggle tight up against them.
she hissed, we figured, because she was scared. if you'd been tossed against walls in your deeply formative years, wouldn't you be? so, she didn't like strangers. but she liked us.
she didn't make messes or tear things up; that'd be beneath her. but she would jump up on the kitchen counter if there was chicken or whipped cream.
last week there was whipped cream.
she'd felt bad for a few years; turns out that, like many older cats, her kidneys weren't good. the vet suggested a canned food that helped cats' kidneys work easier. he said she wouldn't live that long. but she didn't die. just a tough old girl.
then she leaped up to sneak some whipped cream, and fell off the counter, and broke her leg. turns out she had bone cancer. we didn't know. she must've been in pain, maybe a long time.
so we took her to the vet and decided to euthanize her - the other option was to cut off her leg. but the vet said she wouldn't heal.
we told our college-age children to come say goodbye if they wanted to, and they did, and then we took her and held the queen. and said goodbye. she went quickly and quietly. she was ready.
so, we miss her. we kept her latest collar. and lately when i look up at clouds, i think they are whipped cream, and queen olivia doesn't have to sneak bites of it anymore. although she probably does because it's more fun.
but olivia mellowed out, too.

off we go

2009-08-17T07:51:00.002-06:00

it's a strange and sad and beautiful and joyful thing to launch my daughter into the world of college and young adulthood. i am remembering having the same experience with my son three years ago; i wanted him to be safe, to be happy, to adjust, to make friends, to settle in, to do well, to feel good, to find his way. i also knew that part of that process is in the bumps and bruises that will show up. they do. that's part of it. i know that, too, about myself, and my own continued launches into the next thing i'm to learn or to experience, the next lesson, the next joy, the next bump, the next loss, the next awareness, the next misstep, the next epiphany. i thought at some point i'd acquire some level of "there-ness." as in, okay, i'm there. but that's a foolish thought. it's not the truth. it's not real. even though i know there's a part of me - and all of us, i think - that seeks that sense of having figured at least SOMETHING out.
here's the beauty: when i stop and breathe and relax, i realize that i have figured many many many things out. i've accepted a lot. i know how to do some things. i even know sometimes when to rest in something and feel confident and peaceful. and yet - i still want to learn. to grow. to lose some things and to gain some things. it doesn't stop. nor should it. the road goes ever on and on. and that's good.
so, that helps me as i watched my daughter meeting her new roommate, and settling into her dorm, and meeting her R.A., and walking around the campus, and becoming a Pirate. it felt ... right. it felt good. it's time.
that doesn't mean there's not huge sadness in my heart, because of course there is, just as when my son left for school, just as when i let one thing go in order to become something else. but it's not loss; it's a passing; and it's good; and it's time; and whatever comes will be part of her path, and my path.

and, too, it's fun. as my wife and daughter and i were hanging out yesterday afternoon in her now-decorated-and-moved-into dorm room, the suitemates next door came in and asked our daughter, "Do you want to come hang out with us?" and she said, "Okay, y'all can go. I'm going to go hang out with the girls." and it was a good launching. we weren't just launching her; she was launching us.

off we go!

i have a total crush on flo

2009-08-13T22:46:00.002-06:00

the progressive insurance girl.

is that wrong?

if you don't know about landover baptist church .org - you're missing out on some beautiful satire ...

2009-08-10T17:51:00.001-06:00

Christian Kids Wanna Know: Why Do Mexican Women Like Mrs. Sotomayor Have Hairy Legs Like My Dog?

Source: www.landoverbaptist.org

God once shaved every single hair off the bodies of his female followers without using a razor because some gals in town were wearing bells on their toes and walking funny.

little baby steps into a big thing

2009-08-04T20:57:00.004-06:00

i'm having blood drawn in the morning. i don't mind. the place i go has great people who take a few vials prettypainlessly. and i've got big veins. big fat ones. so, i'm lucky. one phlebotomist years ago told me i'd make a good junkie since my blood vessels are so easy to stick with a needle. so i've got that goin' for me, which is nice.

i've been watching what i eat for many months now, and have kept my weight pretty stable, though i still don't really watch out, and i can feel it when i eat a bunch of crappy food. no good.

i started exercising in the mornings seven weeks ago and THAT was AWFUL. i have never - and i mean never - exercised before in my life. no athletics in high school or college. p.e. class in high school, but we didn't exercise - just did basketball or track randomly. i took intramural badminton as a p.e. class, but that doesn't count. and i don't guess my college bowling class counts either.

throughout my adult life i've tried a couple of times to "get into shape," which is a before-you-even-start-you're-doomed thing to say - i mean, what does that even mean? it's not exactly a measurable goal. but i always quit pretty quickly anyway. i always hated running. i hated doing pushups and all that.

but i just have felt for a long time - with much encouragement from people who care about me - to start moving my body. i was scared. but i finally, finally, finally signed up at the little fitness place on the corner of our neighborhood, and a friend joined too, and another friend had just joined not long before that - and now we're there early in the mornings. it was awful that first couple of weeks. i hated it.

now i love it. something broke through. it FEELS good - in my body and in my soul. i sweat. i push myself. i hurt. it's good.

but it was so so so so so scary to walk into that gym the first time.

i think this is what happens with people who are afraid to do spiritual work. it seems overwhelming - god? jesus? church? getting spiritually fit? the bible? completely intimidating. i grew up going to church so it's never been that big a deal to me - sort of like the people who grew up physically active, for whom working out or running or whatever isn't scary.

it makes me happy, then, that i'm part of a faith community that welcomes people on purpose - not a passing of the peace but a serious effort to help people feel at ease, not just when they walk in the first time, but that they are welcome as they are, with all their questions, whether they know jack shit about the bible or doctrine or anything like that, or they don't, or they don't even care.

we're not a bunch of people showing off how buff our souls are.

we're much more like the schlubs at Average Joe's ...

anyway, i hope when i have my checkup with my doctor, my cholesterol is better. should be ... but either way ...

smells like central texas

2009-07-23T20:44:00.003-06:00

growing up, we moved all over texas. but the roots that i always connected with a home i never had, were in my mother's hometown of lampasas. lampasas is up highway 183 from austin by an hour and a half or so. it's a small town. much smaller in the 60's when i used to visit my granny. my blood-grandfather died in world war II; granny, my mother's mother, remarried a few years later. that man, don, was the granddady i knew. he died when i was eight or nine or ten. so granny had a boyfriend after that, though she wouldn't get married. i think she was superstitious. her boyfriend from then on was johnny, who lived on a big ranch outside lampasas.

i remember a zillion things about lampasas, and granny's house, and johnny's ranch. but all those years we moved around, and then for all the years until we moved to austin, there was one thing that took me back instantly to granny's house, and johnny's ranch, and granny's back yard, and hancock park. big oak trees. and sycamore trees. hot sycamore trees. summertime sycamore trees have a specific smell. powerful. beautiful.

(granny's garage had a very specific smell, too, which was great - she was a neat freak and her garage was very clean. but it had the smell of her lawn mower, and her ford ltd and cigarettes. cool.)

(i also loved the smell of a skunk on the road - not because it smells good, but because i smelled it so many times driving between granny's house and johnny's ranch.)

central texas soil has a specific smell too. and the air does. and it's good. even in crowded, ever-growing cedar park, north of austin, where our house is, the smell of the air is specific central texas. beauty.

through the years, as we moved from north texas to outside houston to far south texas to the coast to the plains to east texas, when i'd come back anywhere near lampasas, i'd breathe deeply and feel like my soul was home. i'd remember instantly. i'd see. i'd relax.

we've lived in austin for eight years this month, and when we first moved here, i would just step outside and breathe. smell central texas. i'd smell the live oaks and the mesquites and the scrub cedars and, around the corner, the sycamores.

but ... i find that i now keep forgetting. i'm used to it. it's just life. i've got errands to run and things to do. i step outside and realize i need to mow the lawn or take out the trash or get the mail. i don't have time to - well, you get it.

i remembered, a few days ago. i walked outside, with other things on my mind, and stopped. i breathed. it's hot right now and i felt it. i remembered. i smelled the air, the air all around my house and my neighborhood and my suburb. and i relaxed. the lampasas river and granny's back yard with perfect grass, and a skunk on the highway, and hot sycamore trees, a beautiful morning listening to doves. i remember cowboy hats and horses, and granny's jersey from her Medarts Service Station softball team, and the cold water in the city spring-fed pool, and white-limestone dirt, and mamaw and granddaddy milo's old white clapboard house, and pecan trees, and storm's drive-in ... and i feel my heart again ...

breathe.

i see the entire situation perfectly clearly; why do you ask?

2009-07-19T19:14:00.004-06:00

These contractors are installing the steel pillars in concrete to stop vehicles from parking on the pavement outside a Sports Bar downtown. They are now in the process of cleaning up at the end of the day.

....... How long do you think it'll be before they realize where they parked their truck?

thanks maria for sending this ... it's a good reminder ... get out of your own way ... how hard are you looking at the situation and not even seeing what's going on? are we so focused on what we think is the task at hand, that we don't see the larger picture?

climb off the dead horse already

2009-07-17T07:37:00.003-06:00

here's a post from a website "change through action," which helps businesses. my sister sent me the post and i cracked UP! so did she.

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount. But in modern business (and education and government) because heavy investment factors are taken into consideration, other strategies are often tried with dead horses, including the following:

Buying a stronger whip.
Changing riders.
Threatening the horse with termination.
Appointing a committee to study the horse.
Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
Reclassifying the dead horse as "living-impaired."
Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
Declaring that the dead horse carries lower overhead and therefore contributes more to the bottom line than some other horses.
Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And, as a final strategy: Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

aaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

SO ... what are the live horses you're riding - and what are the dead ones? and why aren't you jumping off and getting on with it? i know, i know - you've invested a lot. you have identification with what the dead horse was like when it was alive. it's hard to give up the dream. it hasn't turned out the way you wanted, and you think if you just hang in there, or work harder, or somehow reinvigorate things, it will be alright.

is it a dead horse? get off of it and get moving some other way. and maybe it's only a dead horsefor you - and for other people it's still just right - okay then. let them do their thing. you do your thing.

i think i'll just say, See this movie.

2009-07-16T06:46:00.002-06:00

alright. I'll add this:

to discover what it is that we're called to do, is difficult enough work. blocking out all the other voices in the world and in our heads. stepping up. listening.

but carrrying out what we're called to do, when it's a challenge - that's truly hard.

for me, that's a huge part of what this movie, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, is about - at least, for me. (It's also about teenage love, and growing up, and all that stuff.) What does it mean to serve one's calling? what does it mean to do what is right? what does it mean to stand up to what destroys and harms people, even at the risk of one's own safety?

go see it.

some excerpts from the guide to life, “How Not To Follow Jesus”

2009-07-09T09:08:00.002-06:00

#5:

Say prayers that sound important.

#99:

Worry that you're not the absolute beloved of God.

#108:

Worry.

#2:

Refuse to trust that Jesus knew what he was saying when he told us to look at flowers and get some perspective.

#38:

See other people as objects.

#239:

Know Jesus' story about how the fool said to himself, 'I will build a bigger barn' … and build a twenty-million-dollar worship center anyway.

#41:

Speak with hatred or disgust about, or to, a human being. As in, “God hates fags” or “Terrorists deserve to rot in hell” or “That bitch!” or “I’m a fuckin’ loser!”

#4:

See other people as “the” whatever – “the poor,” “the homeless,” “the enemy,” “the rich,” “the conservatives,” “the Christians,” “the Muslims,” “the hypocrites.”

#809:

Belong to a church and be an asshole at the same time.

#410:

Act with cruelty or selfishness toward things or people that you perceive as weaker than you are. Children, old people, animals, family members, “those less fortunate.”

#9:

Hoard.

#504:

See yourself as less than.

#70:

Make it all make sense.

#26:

Refuse to throw the net on the other side of the boat. Even when – or especially when – you’ve caught nothing all night. And you know all about fishing. Or life management. Or whatever you think you know all about.

#190:

Give up wrestling with the question about what belongs to Caesar and what belongs to God.

#59:

Believe that what you own will make you happy.

#792:

Refuse to believe that your birth was miraculous.

#6:

Give up. (Not to be confused with Letting Go.)

jesus and me by some grey bloke

2009-07-07T15:40:00.000-06:00

postsecrets

2009-07-06T07:21:00.006-06:00

one of the greatest websites ever is www.postsecrets.blogspot.com. it fills me with so much joy and pain and beauty and compassion. people send in their secrets - whatever they choose - on postcards, anonymously. the coordinator/originator of the site, frank warren, then photographs/scans their messages and posts them on the site. people share little snippets of their souls, some of which are funny, and some of which are painful to read, and some of which are tiny moments of awareness that each woman or man is passing along.
many of them are things that "good christians" would never talk about. hence, my being not a good christian - because as john wesley said, the world is my parish, and these are real people in this world who are dealing with real life. and, too, these are things which the people i know - good christians or not good christians or not christians at all - all feel and experience in one way or another. in secret.
i emailed frank warren a few years ago and thanked him for the site, telling him that i'm a pastor of a funked-out faith community in austin texas that has no idea what it's doing except encouraging people to be real with each other and with god. frank warren is not a christian - but i assured him that his website is a beautiful example of the sacrament of confession and pardon.
in 2007, i posted a video someone had made about postsecrets. the website just gets better and better.
here are a few samples:

this is how to be successful!!!

2009-07-02T13:49:00.001-06:00

i can't tell what i think about this ...

2009-07-01T16:21:00.002-06:00

is jesus strong? hella strong.
if jesus is a bodybuilder with a sacred heart superhero emblem on his chest, that's just weird.

or, this is just that jesus is a badass, in which case, hallelujah.

not really more than meets the eye

2009-06-27T07:34:00.003-06:00

i don't have any interest in discussing whether Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a good movie in cinematic terms. i think it's best to assess a film based on what the film is attempting to accomplish. a small dramedy can be brilliant and still be small. it's not Titanic; it's not trying to be. (for a brilliant small dramedy, by the way, go see Away We Go.)
a popcorn movie can be just a popcorn movie, brain candy, escapism, whatever, and that's fine. it's fun!
of course, it's possible to be a popcorn movie and also be intelligent, and interesting, and have great character development, and a story that holds together, AND be lots of fun. as in, Raiders of the Lost Ark or Batman Begins or Titanic or Notting Hill or 3:10 to Yuma or Amelie or Pirates of the Caribbean [only the first one] or ...

here's what i want to note about Transformers 2.

1. there are no strong female characters in it. at all. Megan Fox plays the bimbo hot girlfriend ho-bag. there's the mother, who's ditzy and funny and looks crazy most of the movie, and she's endearing, like a 21st century Lucille Ball. so, she's not powerful. there's the temptress girl at college who is, of course, another ho-bag.
that's it. no women in leadership in the military or in politics. no female autobots that i saw, and if there are any, who can tell? no women professors at college. no women soldiers. (well, i did see one. she has one line.)

2. there are virtually no people of color who are strong. there's the african-american solider played by Tyrese. but no leaders in the military or politics. no one powerful enough to serve as a significant presence. there's the college roommate, who's hispanic, but he turns out to be a goofball.
there ARE two autobots who are ostensibly african-american. what's their job? comic relief. one is step-it and the other is fetch-it. or, one is amos and the other is andy. they're hollywood stereotypes of the silly, dumb black guy.

3. it's all about dicks. what are robots' giant arms and legs and rockets and missiles and lasers and swords and cars and trucks and jets and helicopters? what are the giant guns of the soldiers? what is the car that turns into a weapon? they're all phallic symbols, all the young-man's-disease of 21st-century hollywood showing off its adolescent culture's desire for empowerment. like teenage boys (and lots of grown men who are still just teenage boys inside) who are constantly swinging their machismo around, and engaging in the ancient ritual known as dick-stomping (mine's bigger! look at this stick/staff/sword/gun i carry! look at this car/jet/truck/boat i drive! look how far i can hit/throw/kick this ball! look how fast i can run/drive/aim and shoot! i'm bigger than you are! you're a jerk/nerd/loser! look at me! i'm a big boy!)

and that's why there are no strong women in the movie. the energy of the boy is intimidated by the energy of the strong woman. and, sadly, that's why the men of color are reduced to stereotypes and stooges: it's all about white adolescent boy energy. which, when the game is for white boys only, is wrong and anti-american.

i am all for good masculine running and playing ball and driving. i, in fact, drive a truck. and i love fishing and shooting guns and playing softball and golf and poker. those things of themselves are not the point.

the point is, this is a movie that has nothing to offer but adolescent white boys dick-stomping vicariously through gigantic toys. and it's not exactly what i hope 21st century culture is learning about what really matters, and what is worth living for.
however, if that's what you're into, go for it.

my wife and i saw it yesterday afternoon and it was fun. a little boring, but the robots were cool. and lots of shit blew up. so that's entertaining. although, after the hundredth explosion, which in this case would be the first five or six minutes, it can get a little old. and the movie is 2 1/2 hours long. just fyi.

this was my first favorite michael jackson song.

2009-06-25T19:48:00.001-06:00

the year i graduated from high school. come on! it's awesome!

patient

2009-06-18T06:35:00.003-06:00

all some people want and long for is a fairly simple answer with a clear right and wrong. they want borders. and they want to accept those answers and borders, and be at peace.
that's alright. jesus said that we must become like little children, who trust with simplicity.

all some people want and long for is to continue to chew on their faith and questions and answers, and to brood over them and watch them and question them.
that's alright. the name "israel" means "wrestle with god."

and it happens, too, that sometimes the desire for simple faith isn't so genuine. sometimes that desire for simplicity and clarity is really about fear and shadow, the reluctance to step out into mystery.
and it happens, too, that sometimes the desire for wrestling faith isn't so genuine. sometimes that desire for complex, wrestling faith comes from fear and shadow, the reluctance to trust.

god can work with any of that. because that's where we are. and how we got where we are is sacred. and this moment is sacred.
we got where we are because of our choices along the way - about what to do with the tools and roles we were given, and chose, and about how to face and deal with our pain, and about how to respond to what we were learning.
and god is in all things.

for decades i believed that god is thwarted by our refusal to be open and learn - the "hard heart." that this exercise of free will is the only thing god cannot penetrate.

but i think now that god knows that everything is temporary. and that the process of learning and healing and liberation does not ever have to end.
i know some doctrines say that god is not going to wait forever. but i don't believe that. i believe that god and love are neverending; it is we who do not want to wait forever.

and god is patient.

what we do and what we think and what we become

2009-06-17T11:36:00.002-06:00

this is a video of A. J. Jacobs talking about what he learned in his experiment detailed in his book The Year of Living Biblically. even if you don't have 17 minutes to watch it, let it run while you're working on something else and listen for what speaks to you. what spoke to me was his assertion that what we do with our actions and words has a huge effect on who we become, and how we think and feel. which is of course living as jesus talked about it - forgive, love, serve, pray, fight injustice ... even if you don't feel like it.

yes, this is exactly how it turned out.

2009-06-09T17:30:00.001-06:00

jesus clarifying

2009-06-08T14:22:00.002-06:00

a sense of yesterday's commitment celebration

2009-06-01T08:49:00.002-06:00

it was beautiful.

people people

2009-05-28T14:45:00.002-06:00

i really genuinely like people. i find human beings fascinating and interesting, and the older i get, the more and more compassion i feel for every person i meet. even the assholes. they're just broken hopeful children of god, like everybody else. like me.

i draw a lot of energy and feel happy and in my power when i'm teaching and connecting to people, in large groups or small. it's what i was born to do, gifted to do. when the light goes ding in someone's head as they see or realize or embrace something that will give them insight and freedom, that's as good as it gets for me.
and yet, i don't really like talking on the phone much. and i don't like sitting in my office at the warehouse just to make small talk. part of that may be that the job i have is one that demands a lot of time and a lot of mental and emotional focus; it's not a 9 to 5 job; it doesn't have set hours at all; it's free-form and i have to be responsive to people and their needs as it comes up.

so maybe that's why i have to have time during the week and during each day just to be quiet. to read or do emails or listen to music or drive by myself. pray. breathe. not be available to anyone else - or to my own to-do list.

so, am i not a people person? i think i am. cuz i love 'em. but i have to be balanced or eventually i just hate people and want everyone to die.

why america chose kris allen over adam lambert, or, we're still a bunch of nice puritan pioneers

2009-05-21T07:42:00.003-06:00

here's a quick note in the washington post's online news update this morning, regarding why kris allen won american idol over adam lambert. adam lambert, who is not like other human beings; he's at the level of the great gods of rock and blues, already, at least in terms of his power as a performer and arranger. adam lambert, who is really in some ways beyond american idol's level. adam lambert, who ... didn't win. or did he? because - he's now the guy who "didn't win and when he's successful it's going to be great vindication." and, he will rule the world, so that's good.
anyway, re the reason kris allen won and adam didn't? here's the quick blurb in the post, and i think there's something to this.

Headlines: Kris Allen is your new American Idol, having won in an upset over the flamboyant rockerdude Adam Lambert. Lambert was so good that when he and Allen sang "We Are the Champions" with QueenFreddie Mercury's enormous shoes. And Mercury was only one of the all-time greats among rock-and-roll frontmen. Allen, on the other hand, could maybe fill Jack Johnson's flip-flops. He's got that light, easygoing style, sort of like Jason Mraz, who was one of about a bajillion guests on the show. He did a duet with Keith Urban, who seems like a heavyweight next to Allen. Lambert did his duet with KISS and just killed it. So what happened? Allen had the cute thing going on, whereas Lambert had guyliner and black nail polish on. Allen, the pride of Conway, Ark., is married to somebody who looks a little bit like Reese Witherspoon. The L.A. dude Lambert is, you know -- flamboyant. Allen seems like the kind of guy who'd help your grandmother with her groceries. Lambert might scare the bejeez out of nana. Never discount the power of the senior vote! And maybe the music-loving GOP strategist Todd Harris was onto something when he said yesterday: "You've got these more liberal elites who live on each coast, represented by Adam, and then Kris represents what those on the coast refer to as the flyover states." Though, you know, that John Mayer-ish brand of breezy pop-rock plays on the coasts, too. America loves the mellow. Anyway, the look of disbelief on Allen's face in the photo above says it all; he's as shocked as the rest of us. Or maybe he's just reacting to Queen Latifah's bodysuit during her duet with Lil Rounds or, perhaps, Fergie's hooker get-up.

Eddie Izzard on which animals made it

2009-05-20T08:07:00.001-06:00

Eddie Izzard is one of our absolute favorite actors/comics/thinkers/historians/social commentators. Here's part of his retelling of the Noah and the Ark story. His question? How do you know which animals weren't good enough to be put on the ark?
This man is wonderful. Brilliant. Smart. Gentle.
and, yes, he's a transvestite. Which makes him even cooler.

this is what journey is all about. and it's true for your tribe as well, whatever it is.

2009-05-14T06:19:00.002-06:00

you may not have 17 minutes to watch this - although i wish you'd try to at least watch some of it - but even just skip through and see if there's something in here that reminds you of the tribal movements that matter to you - and the ones that, well, don't.
move from factory, to tv, to tribe. journey is a tribe with many tribes. and it's a movement. hallelujah.

because it's that good.

2009-05-09T16:01:00.002-06:00

go see this film now.

star trek.

that awareness helps. a LOT.

2009-05-07T06:55:00.002-06:00

so, i'm an ENFP. but that's not the only way to understand or categorize who i am as a person.
i'm also a native texan. i'm a male. i'm a first child. i'm a first grandchild. i'm a first son. i'm a product of families with patterns of addiction, emotional illness, sexual abuse, depression, borderline personality disorders, and dysfunctional dynamics. i'm a child of divorced parents. i was a child in the 1960s. i'm an american. my parents were both raised in texas. i have a younger sister. i have had one stepmother, three stepfathers, and more stepsiblings, seriously, than i can remember or name. my lineage includes stoneworkers, carpenters, farmers, mathematicians, entrepreneurs, engineers, and manual laborers. both of my parents were raised southern baptists. i am heterosexual. i lived in 18 different homes by the time i graduated from high school.
and so on.
all of these are factors that psychologists and personality tests and psychiatrists and self-help tools would take into consideration.
none of these are factors that a biblical understanding of the human experience would be aware of.
none of these are factors that would be apparent to someone just having a conversation with me.

i didn't see how a number of these factors had worked together in my childhood and youth and young adulthood had contributed to the person i was becoming. i didn't know birth order had an effect on the kind of person i would become. i didn't know emotional illness and depression and addiction in my ancestors had an effect on the kind of person i would become. i didn't know that it was part of an ENFP to want to learn everything, and not to process details, and to avoid conflict, and to be naturally adept at interacting with people, and to be prone to internalize negative feedback.
but throughout my adulthood i've been learning more and more how these things aren't just pieces of data, but that each one had an effect on my work habits, or the way i saw myself in relation to girls or boys, or how i handle stress, or how i understand love and sex and ambition and illness.

i just thought i was responsible for everything that i felt, and everything that i chose, and that when i failed or made mistakes - or when i FELT i had failed or made mistakes - it was because i was (and my labeling or understanding at the time depended on what phase of my life i was in) a sinner, lazy, a fuckup, weak, stupid, ADD, male, not working hard enough, or just not getting it.
i'm aware, now, that there are an uncountable number of components that contributed to the the kind of person i've become, many of which i had no control over, and many of which told me things that weren't true.

and that awareness helps. a LOT.
i don't feel so crazy. i don't beat myself up so much. i mean, i still do, but not nearly as much as i did for years and years.
and knowing these same sorts of things about my wife and about other people helps me see them not through the lenses of my experience and models and expectations, but as people with their own lists and their own models and their own stories and their own truths. and so i honor them, and seek to understand them, and have compassion for them.
which comes from honoring and understanding and having compassion for myself.

you have your own list like this one.

from the blog called Inhabitiato Dei

2009-04-29T13:40:00.002-06:00

i really like what this very committed christian has to say.

Theology of the Cross and Profanity
By Halden

Dave Horstkoetter has plunked up a disturbing YouTube video of a neocon hack opining that Christianity and torture are just all hunky dory with one another. No surprise there of course. What is surprising is the fact that the whole discussion over there has turned into a goofy little kerfuffle about whether or not it’s really “Christian” to denounce endorsing torture while…uttering the F-word.

Leave it to us Christians to make conversations like this.

However, in the interest of settling this debate once and for all, I have a syllogism for us. Given that nearly all Protestants and certainly all evangelicals affirm Luther’s theological genius, especially his famed “theology of the cross”, let’s start there. Thesis 21 of Luther’s Heidelberg Disputation states that “A theologian of glory calls evil good and good evil. A theologian of the cross calls the thing what it actually is.” I’m sure we can all agree on this point. Thus…

P1: Theologians of the cross ought to name things, events, and persons in accordance with what they actually are.

P2: Some things, events, and persons can only be truthfully described as fuckdragons and assclowns.

C: Ergo, the use of profanity is not only permissible, but essential for anyone who claims to be a theologian of the cross.

ENFP

2009-04-29T06:11:00.003-06:00

so, you've maybe heard of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator? there are a zillion different personality inventories out there. body humors. four temperaments. DiSC. lion-beaver-otter-golden-retriever. and on and on and on. i am fascinated by, and convinced that it's important to understand, ways to understand human beings' personalities. if there are at least some general trends or observations that can help me get a handle on how someone works or what tendencies s/he will have in the way s/he communicates, or makes decisions, or processes emotions and experience? hell yes, i want to know.
my favorite quote related to my life's mission is from thomas jefferson:

"i have sworn upon the altar of god eternal hostility against all forms of tyranny over the minds of men [and women]."

for me, when i become more self-aware, without judgment, with compassion, and i am therefore able to be more present not only to myself but to others, the universe is already more healed, more whole, and more able to create good and peace and courage. my work as a teacher is to awaken other people to awareness - about themselves, mostly, and also about the world around them. to the beauty within and around them - and to the systems, or institutions, or fears, or attitudes, or machines, or paradigms, or practices, that are designed as enemies of beauty and wholeness and healing.
so, if i can know more about myself and other people? hell yes, i want to know.

i'm an ENFP. finding this out was absolutely no shock to me whatsoever.

my wife is an INFJ. when she and i read the descriptions and data around INFJ personality types, it was fascinating to see how we both opened up to what we'd always known about her, but weren't sure how to put it into words, or see it in any objective sense. INFJ is a complex personality type. but she and i have been married 25 years this coming july - and we are still learning about each other, and how to be together in healthy and healing and creative ways that enrich ourselves and each other and the world around us.

the point for me is that learning about myself and other people gives me more ability to care about them, understand them, accept them. the same goes for my self-care, self-understanding, and self-acceptance. it's all about learning and seeing. awareness. and then there's even more ability to fight against anything that tyrannizes the minds of men and women. set 'em free.

it's funny - i just realized we did, for some months this Spring and during the season of Lent, a personality-typing experience together at journey ifc.

as our therapist janettee henderson says, it's all about awareness, acceptance, and then action.
here's to awareness.

"Say Yes" Andrea Gibson

2009-04-22T11:23:00.001-06:00

loving this. for real.

The Dark Knight- Joker Interrogation Scene Spoof

2009-04-20T20:07:00.001-06:00

just watch it. because it will bring joy to your life.

i'm for democracy.

2009-04-15T10:49:00.001-06:00

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

M - Th 11p / 10c

Baracknophobia - Obey

thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Economic Crisis

Political Humor

holy holy holy

2009-04-13T11:18:00.002-06:00

here are some images from the journey easter prayer vigil. two journeyers who went into the prayer space on their turn have chosen to share part of what they experienced.

don't hurry.

theaustinoriginal's

simplegestures'

happy post-easter.

breaking the fast

2009-04-06T20:23:00.002-06:00

i decided in december 08 that i would fast from buying clothing for the first three months of 09. it wasn't that big a deal - i don't buy many clothes, and never anything very fancy. but it helped me notice - which is what fasts are for.
i like to go by walmart or old navy and see if there's something on sale. i like to have a few extra pairs of blue jeans (since that's pretty much the only pants i wear). i like to have plenty of white socks (since that's pretty much the only socks i wear). i like to have plenty of boxers. i also like fun long-sleeved shirts to wear at journey worship gatherings. but i never buy anything very fancy, and never anything very expensive. so, again, it's not as if i fasted from, say, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. THAT would be difficult.
and yet it was fascinating to me for those three months to notice that i was doing something different with that energy, and attention, and time, and money, rather than buying clothes - albeit simple clothes.
i'm not even sure what i did instead. except that after a week or so of noticing that when i went to walmart, i didn't browse through the clothes or shoes, and i didn't go by old navy to look in their clearance section.
and i noticed how much i like the clothes i already have.
and i noticed that there were a lot of clothes that i don't like, and don't wear or don't wear very often, so i gave them away. without even minding for a moment.
this spring at journey we're doing something called "journey 2.0," in which we're all looking at how we follow jesus together as a faith community and as individuals. and giving up stuff is part of that process. i mean, seriously, we're the richest nation in the world - maybe in the history of the world, even with adjustment for inflation and cultural developments. do we really need all this shit we own? absolutely not.
it felt really, really good to let go. travel lighter. go easier.

and then it was over, and it was april 1. and it was time to buy some clothes. my wife said, "do you need to buy clothes? you haven't minded getting rid of clothes. are you sure you need to do this?"
i wasn't even interested in buying anything. i had no desire. but i believe it's important to break a fast. to celebrate the time i've spent in attending to that decision. and then to interrupt the pattern.
more attention.

i went to a store for some other errand. i walked around the men's clothes. i could've gone to the mall - to drive the point home to myself, because i hate going to the mall - but i decided to take a simple step. it was a store i was going to anyway. but i had it on my mind to buy something.
i bought a shirt. a short-sleeved shirt that would be good to have this summer. i didn't want to buy anything - but it was a good shirt, it was on sale, and it was a smart purchase.
i let it sit there on the chair in our bedroom for a day or two. showed it to my wife. looked at it.
it's just a shirt. but it meant something. attention. awareness. openness. letting go. pretty much all that's required for following jesus.

i now am going to be looking for some workboots with steel toes to replace the ones i've had forever, with torn-open toes that aren't as safe as they should be when i'm working outside or building stuff.
no hurry.

hey everybody! i have the holiest donkey in the world!

2009-03-31T12:41:00.002-06:00

as we approach Palm Sunday ...

here's a video for you.

Vintage21 Jesus Video 4

hope is the thing with feathers

2009-03-30T19:16:00.003-06:00

because emily dickinson is wonderful - and because she was such a badass, and had hope, even in the midst of life just not being tidy or easy. and when i forget to hope, because i am tired or all up in my head, or angry, or sad, and not letting myself feel or be awake, here is emily, a reclusive spinster genius whose times did not acknowledge her absolute genius as a poet and thinker and whose suitors didn't stick and whose family didn't understand her ...
and we live in what feels like a "sore storm" and yet the bird keeps singing if we listen. and it won't ask a crumb.

254

"Hope" is the thing with feathers -
That perches in the soul -
And sings the tune without the words -
And never stops - at all -

And sweetest - in the Gale - is heard -
And sore must be the storm -
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm -

I've heard it in the chillest land -
And on the strangest Sea -
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb - of Me.

"god and nature - i neither knew" she wrote. but she was lying.

honestly, i don't get it

2009-03-24T06:25:00.002-06:00

i was born and raised, and have made a living and raised my children, and built a life, in the richest country in the world. the richest country by far. maybe the richest and most materially successful country ever, including throughout history - even if adjusted for inflation, technology, etc.
i have absolutely no way to understand this.
i've been to, and worked in missions and relief work in, very poor places.
i care deeply about issues of social justice and care for the oppressed.
i know that rampant materialism and consumerism and greed are incredibly toxic.

i am frustrated by the wireless internet at my house cutting in and out while i'm reading something on the internet. i get sad that my children's choices in which colleges to go to are complicated. i'm overwhelmed by my to-do list of shopping and errand-running.

my wife and the women's study groups at journey are reading Three Cups of Tea; she was telling me a few days ago about how the men and women in this story, who live in Pakistan, are very willing to suffer and live what we would consider an unimaginably hard life ... and yet, they persevere, and have joy and hope, and work extremely hard. as in, carrying building supplies uphill all night, singing as they go, to help with the construction of a school.

i'm not romanticizing simplicity or the good old days. ask anyone who was there; the good old days weren't particularly cute or easy. and contemporary culture has given us modern medicine. and mass communication. and travel. and literacy. and awareness around mental and emotional illness, and family dysfunction, and abuse.
it's not an either/or. i'm not even saying the culture in which we live isn't healthy.

what i'm saying is, i grew up here. i don't know how to appreciate it fully. i want to. i want not to miss what a miracle it is. even though it has huge flaws and drawbacks - i live in the richest country in the history of the world, with the most resources, and the greatest possibilities and options. i want to pay attention to what an awareness of that, even a small one, can help teach me.

i mean, it's only right.

2009-03-18T20:39:00.001-06:00

we must be doing something pretty right

2009-03-17T14:19:00.002-06:00

check out this post from a person who goes to churches in the austin area, in cognito, and experiences their worship - and then writes about impressions, feelings, insights, etc.
here's what this person said about a recent visit to journey worship.

austingospel.blogspot.com re journey ifc worship

my sweetie

2009-03-12T15:02:00.003-06:00

sometimes it's just nice to look at pictures of people you love.

here's my wife.

yeah, she's beautiful.

beautiful and terrible

2009-03-10T06:38:00.002-06:00

for a few weeks, i've been looking at this painting of an angel speaking into joan of arc's ear. i'm not sure what it is about the painting that is so moving to me, but it speaks into my ear. there are artists whose work do this to me - 20th century southern fiction writer flannery o'connor; bach (thanks dave madden); 20th century american painter georgia o'keeffe; irish rock band u2; 19th century american poet emily dickinson; the biblical books of Genesis and Jeremiah and Mark. when i read, or look at, or listen to, this art, I can feel it: something mysterious is happening, and this art is so honest about the human experience that it's no longer just human. the poem, or short story, or painting, or song, slips into a place where the spiritual, the beyond-this-world, the god-in-this-moment, is present.

what is it about this painting? is it that we know joan's story, and she ends her life burned at the stake by a fearful political-religious empire? or is it that we can see that she is, in this moment, no longer anchored in the life in which the rest of us live? or is it that we’ve sensed that it’s both beautiful and terrible to be whispered to by the angels? or maybe it's knowing that i've felt those moments, too, and that they always fuck my life up and invite me into those beautiful and terrible spaces, and i'm never quite safe again?

the beauty of a child's innocent prayer

2009-03-09T06:17:00.000-06:00

So Where's My Fucking Pony

Everything is amazing, nobody is happy...

2009-03-04T17:34:00.001-06:00

everybody must watch this! we need some perspective! hello!

kittens inspired by kittens!

2009-03-01T19:58:00.001-06:00

because kate winslet is perfection

2009-02-24T08:04:00.002-06:00

i was so, so, so thrilled that kate winslet won the oscar sunday night. i watched in a bit of a stupor, as i had returned from the journey men's retreat only a few hours before that, and the academy awards is a long show. (this year's, by the way, was one of the best ever - the production design, the way the acting awards were presented, hugh jackman as host, etc. So, that helped me stay awake. but barely.)

but kate winslet - heavens. just perfection in "the reader." even though melissa leo was strong and powerful in "frozen river," and anne hathaway was brilliant and scary in "rachel getting married," and angelina jolie was strong and not-very-movie-glamory in "changeling" and meryl streep is - well - meryl streep, kate winslet is an actor who can do about a zillion things, and in all of them, radiate vulnerability and hope and loss and complexity all at once.
look at her other oscar-nominated performances, all of them different, all of them complicated, all of them powerful:
"sense and sensibility"
"titanic"
"iris"
"eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"
"little children"
and now - "the reader." and that's not counting the roles for which she's won other awards, including this year's "revolutionary road," which i just haven't been able to make myself watch yet. "finding neverland." "quills."
yeah, i've got a big crush on her - which is entirely sanctioned by my wife. and a bit shared by my wife, actually. although my wife's girl-crush is natalie portman.
let's all accept it: kate winslet is the total shit.
David Edelstein of New York Magazine hails her as "the best English-speaking film actress of her generation."

here is the hilarious video of kate winslet on "extras" ...

someone to watch over me

2009-02-16T07:10:00.004-06:00

i think it must be true that all human beings are, in some ways, deep down scared. why? because in all the storytelling and mythologies, including our own in 2009, there are stories that include:

innocent/powerless/small people;
boogeymen/monsters/murderers/thieves;
protectors who look after us.

the protector stands in the scary in-between place, on behalf of the people.
there are lots of other kinds of stories - this is just one kind of story, but human beings keep telling it over and over and over in millions of iterations. if you started to list the movies and tv shows and books and fairy tales and comics you know, how many would you come up with? (post 'em if you want and we'll compare notes.)
in "taken," liam neeson is the protector. his daughter is abducted. he goes to rescue her.
that's pretty much it.
so why do we care? because look at this poster:

i'm sorry, but that's just HOT. it makes me happy inside. i want the man or woman, god, friend, whatever, who has agreed to protect me, to bring that kind of clarity and purpose and resolve.
plus, liam neeson isn't someone to be trifled with. don't kidnap his daughter.

whether it's westley in "the princess bride," who refuses to let go of true love and fights for it, or beowulf or king arthur who fight for the good of the people, or clint eastwood fighting for the little band of misfits at the end of "the outlaw josey wales," or clarice starling in "the silence of the lambs," or batman and superman. or the woodsman who comes and kills the wolf that's eaten little red rider's grandmother. or the smart and upright town marshall in the old west.
(i would name the person who kills Freddy Krueger or Jason or Michael Meyers but i don't watch those slasher movies so i don't know who kills them - but then, it isn't working, with all the sequels, so why honor him/her?)

whoever it is, the protector does something those around her/him cannot do: be willing to sacrifice her/himself for the good of those being protected. and there are parts of me that feel strong, parts of me that feel secure, and parts of me that feel terrified, or stuck, but what will i do, god? i'm facing terror and challenge and uncertainty.
Well, god says, tell me a story about that part of yourself that is strong. make it look like you.
and so we create the story of the hero.

the protector's job is to give us hope. we read the story and the boogeyman seems less imminent.

when we're young, we need bigger people than us to watch over us. but as we grow up, it becomes time for us to step up into our own power. some days we do, some days we don't. we can remain victims forever, and rely on protectors or circumstances or money (another protector!) or control to keep us insulated from danger. but thre is, ultimately, no avoiding danger, or loss, or death, or weeping. and superman can't be everywhere.

so, it's up to me. that's maturity. that's growing up.
the tribal hero/protector/my-own-personal-jesus/triumphant cowboy-woodsman-knight-avenger is ultimately not a symbol of anyone else; it's a story told about what is inside me, waiting to be grown up enough and strong enough to take the job.

one's own creation

2009-02-11T06:38:00.004-06:00

Here's a quote from the Dalai Lama.
the opening, about gossip, is only an example for his main point. read it and reel with head-expanding energy.

If you know that someone is speaking badly of you behind your back, and if you react to that negativity with a feeling of hurt, then you destroy your own peace of mind. One's pain is one's own creation. One should treat such things as if they are wind behind one's ear. In other words, just brush them aside. To a large extent, whether or not one suffers pain depends on how one responds to a given situation. What makes a difference is whether or not one is too sensitive and takes things too seriously.

that can't be right, can it? my pain is my own creation, when it's connected to being so sensitive that i take things too seriously? i gotta go think some more ...

Harry Potter and the Brokeback Goblet

2009-02-08T20:46:00.001-06:00

I'm sorry but this just made me laugh my ass off.

Read this. What are you and I doing with what we have?

2009-02-03T13:41:00.002-06:00

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Millard Fuller, who founded Habitat for Humanity International along with his wife, has died, officials said Tuesday. He was 74.

With his wife, Linda, Fuller founded Habitat for Humanity International in 1976.

The Alabama native rose "from humble beginnings" to become a "young, self-made millionaire," according to his biography on Habitat for Humanity's Web site. He and a college friend began a marketing firm while still in school, "but as his business prospered, his health, integrity and marriage suffered," the biography said.

"These crises prompted Fuller to re-evaluate his values and direction. His soul-searching led to reconciliation with his wife and to a renewal of his Christian commitment," it said.

The Fullers sold all their possessions, gave money to the poor and began searching for a new direction. They found Koinonia Farm, a Christian community near Americus in rural southwest Georgia, the biography said.

Along with Koinonia founder Clarence Jordan and a few others, the couple initiated several enterprises, among them a housing ministry that built modest homes on a no-interest, nonprofit basis and made them affordable to low-income families.

Homeowner families were expected to use their own labor to help defray costs on their home as well as homes for other families. Money to build homes was placed into a revolving fund, enabling more to be built, according to the biography.

In 1973, the Fullers moved to Africa to test their housing model, the biography said. Their project was launched in Zaire -- now the Democratic Republic of the Congo -- and was a success. "Fuller became convinced that this model could be expanded and applied all over the world," the biography said.

When Fuller returned to the United States three years later, he met with a group of associates to create Habitat for Humanity International. According to its Web site, Habitat has provided shelter for more than 1.5 million people in more than 3,000 communities.

"I see life as both a gift and a responsibility. My responsibility is to use what God has given me to help his people in need," Fuller once said, according to Habitat's Web site.

Former President Jimmy Carter, a key Habitat supporter, fellow Georgian and a close friend, said that Fuller "used his remarkable gifts as an entrepreneur for the benefit of millions of needy people around the world by providing them with decent housing. As the founder of Habitat for Humanity and later the Fuller Center, he was an inspiration to me, other members of our family and an untold number of volunteers who worked side-by-side under his leadership."

In 1996, President Clinton awarded Fuller the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation's highest civilian honor, calling Habitat "the most successful continuous community service project in the history of the United States."

obamicon.me!

2009-01-27T19:28:00.004-06:00

i know, i know, i'm grading doctoral dissertations and working on lots of stuff for journey and writing a book, but a brother's got to have a few minutes of sabbath. and i heard from judi that there was this website that would take a picture and make it look like the iconic picture of then-candidate obama created by shepard fairey -

well, paste magazine has created a webpage where you can upload a picture and it turns into an obamicon! i made the ones at the top, and here are a few i've found that i like -

you can go make your own obamicons here

love - according to father zosima

2009-01-27T06:24:00.003-06:00

i'm reading dostoevsky's 1880 masterwork the brothers karamazov. i've read parts of the novel before, but for months now it kept calling to me. i bought a copy at half price books, and i'm reading it now and it's blowing my mind. dostoevsky was a man who went to some of the darkest and most terrifying places a human being can travel emotionally and physically - and then he had a conversion experience and it wasn't cute; it was a mess; and it is transcendent and mystic and practical and earthy and real.
here's a quote from Father Zosima, an elderly church elder and healer overflowing with wisdom and peace in the midst of the chaos of the world. a woman has come for a blessing and she's overwrought with guilt and sadness. she confesses what to her seems to be something unconscionably bad that she's done. here's his response.
It's pretty much Jesus. get ready.

"Don't be afraid of anything, ever. And do not grieve. As long as your repentance does not weaken, God will forgive everything. There is not - there cannot be - a sin on earth that God will not forgive the truly sorry. Why, a man cannot commit a sin so great as to exhaust the infinite love of God. How could there be a sin that would surpass the love of God? Think only of repentance, all the time, and drive away all fear. Have faith that God loves you more than you can ever imagine. He loves you, sinful as you are and, indeed, because of your sin. It was said long ago that there is more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner than over ten righteous men. God now, and fear nothing. Do not be offended if people treat you badly. Do not hold it against them. And forgive your departed husband all the harm he did to you. Become truly reconciled with him. For if you repent, you love, and if you love, you are with God. Love redeems and saves everything. ... Love is such an infinite treasure that it can buy the whole world and can redeem not only your sins, but the sins of all people. So go, and fear no more."

a little more creepiness from mikeyl

2009-01-26T16:53:00.002-06:00

a little creepiness to start the week

2009-01-26T08:07:00.002-06:00

and now, ladies and gentlemen, here are some advertisements from the past that are just ... wrong ... ENJOY!

today this is my favorite phrase from the president's speech:

2009-01-21T20:32:00.002-06:00

"Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

a poem for obama.

2009-01-20T20:28:00.002-06:00

i watched the inauguration this morning, and the parade this afternoon, jaws agape, tears-in-eyes, amazed, humbled, in a daze, proud. i had no idea what to blog about it. too much.
this isn't politics. it's beyond that. and it's not that the man is black; hell, the man is half white; and i claim all of him. i am a mutt, like him, with native american and slave and european immigrant ancestors. i claim all of what he is about: a new way to see what is possible.
bob c sent this poem by derek walcott. it brought it together. yes.

Forty Acres

Out of the turmoil emerges one emblem, an engraving -
a young Negro at dawn in straw hat and overalls,
an emblem of impossible prophecy, a crowd
dividing like the furrow which a mule has ploughed,
parting for their president: a field of snow-flecked
cotton
forty acres wide, of crows with predictable omens
that the young ploughman ignores for his unforgotten
cotton-haired ancestors, while lined on one branch, is
a tense
court of bespectacled owls and, on the field's
receding rim -
a gesticulating scarecrow stamping with rage at him.
The small plough continues on this lined page
beyond the moaning ground, the lynching tree, the tornado's
black vengeance,
and the young ploughman feels the change in his veins,
heart, muscles, tendons,
til the land lies open like a flag as dawn's sure
light streaks the field and furrows wait for the sower.

oh my, oh my.

it wasn't until the 2nd time through that i saw the furrows of the field like stripes in our flag, and saw the scarecrow insisting that change cannot come, and heard the crows cawing. we must ignore them.

we are the sowers. we have the seeds of promise. the young president is plowing the field.

to my soul i say, "Get up, mule. Get up."

the man cave

2009-01-18T20:16:00.004-06:00

a number of you have asked about my man-cave. it's half my garage. some dear brothers from journey ifc came a few summers ago and we built a wall down the middle of the garage, and hung a window-unit a/c unit (an absolute must in texas), and they hung lights and a ceiling fan. it's wonderful.
my spirit-animal is a black bear. bears, in native american archetypology, are keepers of dream-time. it's the bears-hibernate thing; bears go into the cave and dream. a person with bear energy is a dreamer, someone whose imagination can travel in time and space, someone who can act as shaman or interpreter. (bears can also appear slow and laid-back, but don't push them or corner them, or threaten their cubs. they're fast and strong.)
i didn't know all that when i did my spirit-work at a men's retreat a few years ago - all i knew was that in the visioning process, a big black bear appeared to me. who knew? my soul knew, and the universe knew.
i've always been a person who needed a desk to work at, like george bailey in "it's a wonderful life," with drawings and models and toys and quotes. (george's desk in the corner of the living room on sycamore street in bedford falls has a picture of abraham lincoln above it; george is a hero who helps set people free; mr. potter has a bust of napoleon. mr. potter's a dictatorial asshole.)
anyway, i have a man-cave. my wife named it that as we were building it.
here are some pictures:

love and hope

2009-01-16T09:16:00.003-06:00

wednesday i drove to houston and back. i was asked to speak at a theology graduate program to some doctor of ministry students. i was part of a panel introducing information and perspectives about the emerging church.
i didn't prepare anything; i didn't want or need anything from them. does that make sense? i just rolled in and answered questions.
(it is a beautiful thing to be at that place in my life.)
anyway, the d.min. students in this program are, as pretty much all d.min. enrollees i know are, professionals in the field of organized religion. they are practitioners in the arts and sciences of church. they run churches, work for churches, do the best they can with what they have.
i felt absolute crushing, heavy, love-drenched compassion for them. i mean, it surprised me.
i suspect that's what god feels - as much as a spirit/force/ineffable presence-beyond-all-comprehension "feels."
yes. compassion and love. i just wanted to tell them all, "you're alright. even if you don't work for 'religion' all your life, you'll be alright. even if you DO work for 'religion' all your life, you'll be alright."

i just told them what we're experiencing as journeyers, and what i've learned from working within organized religion and outside organized religion, about myself and about following jesus.

i loved 'em. i have no idea if anything i said made sense to them but i'm quite confident god had the whole thing figured out. it's an ongoing journey of discovery, after all. and there's no hurry. unless of course the denomination's district superintendent or whatever bureaucratic tool, is coming at you. and even then, there's no real hurry. just breathe.

... and, breathe

2009-01-13T07:59:00.004-06:00

i've been feeling a bit overwhelmed the last few days.
important stuff happening at work.
ordination process behind schedule with folks ready to start.
journey 2.0 visioning/dreaming process to start.
new worship unit starting.
new bible study unit starting.
lots of phone calls to make re paperwork, accounts, doctor/insurance stuff at home.
errands that need running - returns, mostly.
a root canal to schedule.
journey men's retreat to work on some more.
friends i've missed talking to over the holidays plus a week with the flu.
doctor of ministry students who are turning in chapters that need reviewing as they finish their first drafts of their dissertations.

we did manage to get the christmas decorations shit put in the garage. so, there's that.

and then ... this morning ... getting back from dropping my daughter off at school, walking to the curb to bring in the emptied-yesterday trashcans, i looked up above the houses on our suburban street, into the part of the sky that isn't quite blue yet, and there was the moon, hanging low, and clear. bright.
it hit me - i am on this planet in the universe, and there is a ball of rock, and it's not floating above me in the sky; it's rolling, spinning, around this bigger ball i'm standing on, and it's a very small part of the billions of other balls of rock and clouds of gas and scatterings of debris from explosions and collisions from an unimaginable time ago. and what i do right now matters, but not so much that i can't just stop and breathe and post something on my blog and have a cup of coffee, and breathe.

what i know now, by jan lemen

2009-01-07T17:35:00.003-06:00

carl at simplegestures sent me a link to this blog entry by jen lemen. beauty.

she calls it "what i know now" -

Love is fragile.
Friendship can last a long, long time.
Sitting under the tree to solve your problems African style is as close to magic as it gets.
Nothing heals a wounded soul like an open listening heart.
You can skip to the front of the line, but it only really works out if you’ve already done your work.
Everybody needs kindness and respect and love.
The wisdom of someone who has suffered greatly is a kind light you can trust to show the way.
Most of the limitations you feel are (more often than not) a crisis of imagination.
Dreams can be treasure maps.
Even grownups need blankies sometimes.
Stories are powerful medicine.
Being cracked open is very, very painful but it is not without purpose.
This is never the end of your story.
The problem is not wanting too much; it is not having the courage to want enough.
Desire is a great teacher.
We each have the power to create new possibilities that have not existed before.
In acceptance lies peace. Thinking someone else is in charge of your happiness is sure and certain death.
You can’t learn something quickly or any faster to avoid pain.
The process is the master. Surrender now. Or as best as you can, while screaming.
Breathing into each moment really does help.
Thinking is highly overrated.
Music can be a mentor; movies can be gentle friends.
There’s a certain kind of love that does not let you go.
The sisterhood of friendship is like manna from heaven; it can make you new every morning.
Shame is a killer; kindness is the cure.
You can be okay without knowing.
It’s really good to believe in something, even if it’s how happy you feel standing in a quiet open field.
Being seen, truly seen, and loved just the same is what everyone on this green earth is hoping for, even if they act like they don’t care.
Real privilege is when you are invited to serve and you do it, even if it’s incredibly hard or annoying and not at all the picnic you had planned.
Your heart knows the way through the wilderness; the only thing to do is follow.

What do you know now?

happy new year mr. obama

2009-01-04T21:50:00.003-06:00

here's something i wanted to share. it's kind of long but it's worth it. it's a letter from the brilliant writer alice walker to barack obama, about what is important for some of us as we look forward to the future together. not just for african-americans, not just for progressives, not just for poeple who voted for obama. for all of us.

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history. But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried, year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law, is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time, and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done. We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us, the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this, that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength. Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom, stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope, previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One gathers that your family is large. We are used to seeing men in the White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so bad now that there is no excuse not to relax. From your happy, relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people's enemies. Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought, "hate the sin, but love the sinner." There must be no more crushing of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a means of ruling a people's spirit. This has already happened to people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to "work with the enemy" internally is presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded.

Because, finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies, the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies. And your smile, with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

is it me or

2008-12-30T08:03:00.002-06:00

is christmas exhausting? i don't think it's christmas per se; i think it's the six weeks or so leading up to christmas. all the extra stuff we cram into our lives, pile onto our schedules, add to our to-do's, and make sure we get accomplished.
i love christmas. honestly. it's a celebration of winter and family and friendship and the christ child and gift-giving. it's wonderful. i love christmas music and christmas movies and christmas break.
and i'm glad it's over.

waylon jennings sang, back in the 70s, "are you sure hank done it this-a-way?"
i feel pretty sure jesus didn't want it done this-a-way. but then, jesus isn't in charge of christmas any more than god is in charge of christianity, so ...

rest on the flight

2008-12-23T19:29:00.002-06:00

"Rest on the Flight Into Egypt" by Luc Olivier Merson, 1879

saw this on naked pastor's blog. i don't know why it struck me, but it did - the muted colors? the mixture of beauty and danger in the story of the coming of god through a baby in a war-torn, occupied country? the risk mary and joseph took ... and the risk that any one of us takes, not when we're part of cultural christianity, but when we open ourselves up to the change that Love produces - demands - makes inevitable.

i wish for you in the next week or so that you feel Love. that it disrupt you. that it call you into places in which you may have to look for a small glow amidst seeming darkness, in order to find where god is at work.
in other words, that Love call you deep into your own life.
i'll see you there, even if i don't see you there.

happy, happy holidays ...

2008-12-20T11:12:00.004-06:00

just thought i'd share. it's a tense time of year. let's relax.

and, my personal favorite,

megalomaniac - you're no jesus

2008-12-17T21:26:00.002-06:00

one of my favorite bands is incubus. an alternative rock band, around for a decade or so i guess. soulful, playful, pissed off, hopeful. my kind of music.
there's a song of theirs, "megalomaniac," that i was listening to again recently. it's perfect.
watch this clip. for real.

here are the lyrics; they speak to me of the bosses and parents and friends and co-workers and pastors and CEOs and corporations and advertisers and tyrants who try to push us around and steal our hearts. fuck that.

I hear you on the radio
You permeate my screen; it's unkind but
If I met you in a scissor fight
I'd cut off both your wings on principle alone
On principle alone

Hey megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself baby and
Step down
Step down
Step down

If I were your appendages
I'd hold open your eyes
So you would see
That all of us are heaven sent
There was never meant to be only one
To be the only one

Hey megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself baby and
Step down
Step down
Step down

Yeah
You're no Jesus
You're no Elvis
You're no Jesus
You're no Jesus
You're no Elvis
YOU'RE NO ANSWER

STEP DOWN
STEP DOWN
STEP DOWN

Hey megalomaniac
You're no Jesus
Yeah, you're no fucking Elvis
Wash your hands clean of yourself baby and
Step down

333 and 10 questions on 121608

2008-12-16T14:38:00.002-06:00

this is my 333rd post. weird. how on earth did that happen? i dunno, i guess just showing up and sharing something every few days for a few years - i started this blog in january of 2007 - it works that way.
here's a favorite post from way back. i think my answers are still pretty much the same now.

James Lipton on "Inside the Actors Studio" asks each actor the following questions at the end of the show.
i'd love to know your answers to these ten questions. here are mine.

1. What is your favorite word?

my favorite word is yes. the word that goes with it is no. they belong together.

2. What is your least favorite word?

my least favorite word is "need." as in, "i need this from you," which i'm learning is really about not having clarity about what i want. so, when people say to me, "i need this," i try to listen to what they are telling me they want. and when people say to me, "you need to do this," i try to listen to why i can't stand it to hear that ... and then be present with them while they tell me what they want.

3. What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?

courage. c s lewis says that every virtue when it's at its deepest place, is courage. love is courage. integrity is courage. compassion is courage.

i'm not always courageous. but i am learning to be.

4. What turns you off?

arrogance - which is just about fear.

5. What is your favorite curse word?

"shit." it's a great all-purpose word. i don't even stop myself from saying it. except on sunday mornings at journey, and that's a struggle.

6. What sound or noise do you love?

quiet - especially in nature. which isn't quiet, but it's not human sounds. i like the quiet when the journeyers are breathing when we're gathering ourselves and our hearts together. i like the quiet when my family or a child are sleeping.

and i love laughter. oh, wait, that's two sounds.

shit.

7. What sound or noise do you hate?

i used to hate crying - which was just about my own fear of opening up and feeling anything unpleasant. plus, growing up was very sucky and had a lot of crying in it, and i wanted to distance myself from that sound because of what it reminded me of.

now i believe in crying, my own and other people's, even though it's not always comfortable for me. but it's worth it.

the sound or noise i hate is the tape in my head that tells me "you can't do this."

i also believe that that tape in my head is worthy of listening to. but not listening to.

8. What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?

painter

9. What profession would you not like to do?

corporate lawyer, or anything having to do with screwing over the little person.

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

a. god exists.

b. i don't believe that there are pearly gates - they're a metaphor. but it's a nice image. the metaphor i like better is "the arms that love extends."

c. what i want god to say is, "yes."

i actually believe that god will say "yes" to me ... and to every being that has been in this earthly experience. and that doesn't have anything to do with "who goes to heaven." i don't give a shit. it's not about that for me.

it's going to effin' sleet .........

2008-12-15T18:56:00.002-06:00

yeah. a cold front blew in. it's been ridiculously cold all day. never got out of the 30's.

it's not effin' snowing ..............

2008-12-14T21:29:00.003-06:00

it snowed last tuesday and we danced with christmas joy.
it was 75 degrees today.
that's the wonderful christmas season in texas. dammit. i wish it would snow more. i think i'm part viking.

crap.

of course, austin is such a kickass place to live, it's worth it.

but ... i'd still like it to be lower than 75 degrees at christmastime ...

LET IT EFFIN' SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-12-11T06:26:00.003-06:00

if you haven't lived where it doesn't snow, i don't think you'll understand, but ... something so wonderful happened, that i'm still a little delirious:

it snowed in austin night before last.

snowed.

BIG FLAKES OF SNOW. LOTS OF 'EM.

it was ... transcendent. i felt my spirit go kind of loose.
i think i must have viking blood in me, or northern european encoding in my dna. when i'm in really cold, snowy weather, i feel the kind of joy that usually accompanies mystical epiphanies or christmas morning when you're six.
i'm serious.

the world i grew up in is not a place where it snows. and it's hot for about nine months, and oppressively hot for about four of those nine, and unbearably hot for around two of those four.
plus, from 5th grade til i graduated from high school, i lived in far south texas, which is flat and humid and a cross between the tropics and a desert. seriously.
and i wanted to live where it snowed. i dreamt of colorado. mountains. trees.
and then in december we'd sing "white christmas" and "winter wonderland" and "sleigh ride" and i felt as if i were LIVING A LIE. it was just wrong. i prayed for a white christmas. it never came.
i prayed that we'd move to the mountains. we never did.
tha's when i decided that there is no god.

but, i've collected little christmas figurines and toys my whole life, and every december i make little snow scenes with snowmen and santas and little houses and rudolph and elves, and i sprinkle it all with little fake snowflakes. it's my personal alternate reality / wished for utopia.

so, tuesday morning, the day started off in the 70s. at lunchtime a cold front came. by suppertime it was really cold. and about 1030 or 11 it started snowing.

AND IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! in austin, we usually get a day or so of some sort of frozen precipitation in, say, february. mostly ice. everything shuts down, and we all play with the snow/ice/sleet, and it's good. but it's no winter wonderland. and on top of that, christmas songs are long gone.

so, this is as good as it gets.

for those of you who are in the northern parts of america and the world, i know y'all seem to feel about months of snow and cold the way i feel about months of heat. but ... dammit ... this is my moment.

by the way, the high sunday is going to be 72.

jesus is right, you know

2008-12-09T18:24:00.002-06:00

about the things the bible says? yep.

prop 8 - the musical. dig it.

The Holy Bibel

2008-12-08T10:58:00.005-06:00

when i think about the many translations and permutations that have given rise to what people consider "the word of god," i.e., in the post-enlightenment, reformation-word-brain-focused western world, i have only to see a resource like this one to remind me not to get too anxious about the whole thing. (a wonderful thing from the wonderful people at blueq)
here are some excerpts from the holy bibel, for people who think spelling (or correct translation?) isn't important:

Genesis 6:
"And Dog saw how great the wickedness of man had become.
So he said to Noah, 'I am going to put an end to tall people.
Make yourself a shark of cypress wood.
And behold I do bring a flood of waiters upon the earth.'"

or, if you're a new testament person, from Matthew:

"in this manner we therefore pray: 'Our father who carts in heaven, hallowed be thy lame.
thy kingdom come. thy will be done, on earth, as it is unleavened.
give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our bus passes, as we forgive those who bus pass against us....''

... i'm starting to wonder if the bible says a LOT of stuff that somebody misspelled along the way ...
no, thats nt posszbl ... Dog wouldn't alough thatt ...

when they get hit

2008-12-05T07:12:00.003-06:00

freddie roach was a former professional boxer who, when he retired, had a record of 41 wins and only 13 losses. he also was willing to take a punch and wear his opponents down. then, when he retired, he found that he has a gift for training boxers. Roach is the owner of the Wild Card Boxing Club in Los Angeles, and is currently one of the most popular trainers in boxing. Roach was voted Trainer of the Year by the Boxing Writers Association of America in 2003, 2006 and 2007. he has trained 17 World Champions. Roach has also been honored as Trainer of the Year in 2003 by the Boxing Writers of America and has been inducted into the World Boxing Hall of Fame, the New England Boxing Hall of Fame, and most recently the California Boxing Hall of Fame. Freddie Roach continues working as one of the most sought after trainers in the world.
he happens to have parkinson's disease, so, when he's being interviewed on the radio or tv and people find his speaking uneven or halting, that's what's happening.
he's also about six months older than me.
and i have no idea if he's a good person or not, but the man is nothing if not tenacious.
i'm not into boxing. i don't like the violence. but i get that at its highest levels, boxing is choreography, and drama, and thinking, and strategy, and large-muscle-memory based in rigorous and extensive training and hard work. and i saw part of the hbo special about the upcoming fight between oscar de la hoya and manny paquiau, and then i've been listening for interviews with freddie. he's absolutely fascinating. i'm listening to him talk about training his fighters, and there are about twenty things he's planning and working out about his fighter all at once - psychology, pacing, fears, plan a in the ring, plan b in the ring, what to say and what not to say, and so on. this is big big business, and it's not won based on who can hit the hardest.

i heard him in an interview with jim rome a few days ago say, about boxers:

"when they get hit, they always go back to who they are."

as in, even with all the training, all the strategy, all the thinking through the options of the match, all the plans and contingency plans and backup plans - when a boxer gets hit hard, and is in pain, and the body and the pain break past the intellect, who a man or woman is down deep will come out. that's what will be present. but the pain isn't "who they are." the pain is the doorway down into who they are.
eddie says, that thing they truly are? that's what'll come out, and fight.

i got very tired earlier this week. i started to get mad. sad. discouraged. worried.
my awesome wife said, "when we are afraid, or tired, we lose good judgment. we lose the ability to see what is real and what isn't."
and she was right. because i rested, and rested some more, and cried and got quiet, and when i was more clear, it's not that i talked myself out of what i was feeling; it's that what i was feeling at the surface wasn't truly, truly what was inside me. what was deep within me is hope, and strength, and i'm up. i got hit. the first rush of pain was sadness, discouragement, worry. but then i went down into myself further. and what came back swinging was hope and power and peacemaking. swinging. sort of. still wobbly. but here. some days i want to go back to the corner and sit. some days i wish i'd never gone into boxing in the first place.

lots of people never get into the ring.
lots of people hide over in the corner.
lots of people won't train, won't listen, won't swing, won't cover.
lots of people will train, will listen to their trainers, will swing hard, will cover up, and will find who they are past the pain and shock and fatigue. but it takes guts and endurance.

who are you when you get hit?

a little holiday perspective

2008-12-04T08:03:00.004-06:00

here are some entries from the website mymiserablechristmas.com, in which people tell stories of sadness or crisis or whatever during the holidays. just thought i'd help put things in perspective for us all. or, i could show pictures of poor children. or of santa kneeling before baby jesus, which is weird.

9. The song of a child (12/13/99) - Little Drummer Girl, Age 26

When I was a child from the age of about 4 till I was nine my cousin and I were made to dress up in velveteen dresses and sing xmas songs Shirley Temple style. I'm still in therapy.

8. Make an offering (12/9/99) - Judy, Memphis, Age 25

I was a little tipsy on xmas eve. I threw up during the candlelight service during the quiet time all over the lady in front of me. It reeked beer and cheese, it made me puke even more. The worst part about it was that I forgot to change my baby's diaper and things just reeked even worse. I cried so hard, and got up and slipped and fell on the lady I threw up on. Then, the diaper came undone and soaked into the material of the pew.

243. Holidays up in smoke (12/06/07) - Connie, New York, Age 32

When I was six my dad got dead drunk and plunged headlong into the Christmas tree we had all worked so hard to string popcorn for and make beautiful. After I got married things went progressively downhill from there. One year my children set the living room rug on fire. Ex hubby and I quickly stomped it out. Last year my idiot boyfriend spent all my money on weed, so guess what both of us got…Nothing. This year was better. I spent the holiday with my new (non-druggie) sweetie and his family. One good Christmas - I think it’s a fluke.

247. As if I didn’t exist (12/06/07) - Gabriela, Maryland, Age 18

Last year on December 23 I got into a huge fight with my father and it got very violent. I left the house and slept in the car in the parking lot of my work. The next morning, I returned, hoping to reconcile, but was instead told to pack my things, give up my car keys and leave the house, even though I was the victim of the violence, not the other way around.

I was taking care of my neighbors’ house while they were out of town, so I ended up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day across the street from my own house, sleeping on my neighbors’ couch. Through the window, I could see my family celebrating Christmas without me, as if I didn't exist.

201. Felled by flatulence (12/14/06) - Brandi, Virginia, Age 17

At Christmas Eve dinner with my boyfriend's family and three of their close friends, my boyfriend's stepfather passed out on the kitchen floor. We'd thought he'd had a stroke or heart attack, and when they examined him at the emergency room, they told us that it was a gaseous buildup in his intestines. He'd held in his gas throughout the dinner, and when he was walking to the bathroom it overwhelmed him. The next day everyone was still traumatized by the event.

254. It’s just a flesh wound (12/06/07) - Nick, New Jersey, Age 18

The Christmas right after the Xbox came out, in addition to the console and games, my brother and I had asked our dad for various knives and swords. He got us some pocket knives. One of them was razor-sharp and came in a leather sheath. After opening it and examining the blade, I tried to force it back into its resting place. The blade went through the sheath and through the web between my thumb and index finger. My dad freaked out and said I ruined Christmas. My drunken mom just screamed until he took me to the hospital. (She couldn't take me because she couldn't go out in public without any make-up.) I got stitches. The whole episode, which my older brother had videotaped, later was used as evidence in my parents’ divorce.

1. Santa's gonna get it (12/3/99) - Jase, Boston, MA, Age 25

When I was six, my drunken father threatened to blow Santa away with a shotgun if we weren't good. He said - "You little bastards better straighten up and fly right or I will get my shotgun and wait at the foot of the chimney for that fat fuck to come down and I will blow his head off." He was swaying as he said this to us. We didn't have a chimney.

and, my personal favorite ...

256. Vigilante dad (12/06/07) - Tim, Maine, Age 33

The worst Christmas I ever had was three years ago. My ex-wife had taken our two offspring for Christmas at “her house” (with the prick she had been cheating on me with while we were married). I spent Christmas Eve with a bottle of bourbon, watching "Face/Off" on my laptop and listening to the wind howl around my apartment building. Christmas morning, I woke up to the phone ringing, and it's my daughter crying her eyes out. She told me that Todd (the jagoff my ex dumped me for) had touched her in her “swimsuit area” while my ex was asleep.

I hopped in my car and went to my ex’s house. I pounded on the door and yelled, “I want to see my kids!” Todd opened the door and said, “What the fuck are you doing here?” I grabbed him and started beating the shit out of him. We fought for about 15 minutes, then the cops showed up (thanks neighbors!). The cops dragged us apart and began hitting me with their nightsticks. I yelled, “This cocksucker was raping my kid!”

The cops shoved me into the squad car and I spent the day in the holding cell. Then one of the cops told me that my kids were being released to their Grandmother. The next day, I got out of jail and went home to my answering machine. There was a message saying that neither my ex or Todd can care for the kids now. So my mother is bringing up my kids. She will do a better job than me. Now I have to find Todd and kill him.

these are only a few among the many wonderful christmas wishes i want to share with you, but it's a start

2008-12-01T06:55:00.004-06:00

a little something for Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T08:16:00.002-06:00

i've included a serious one too.

a beautiful way to begin a holiday week:

2008-11-24T07:55:00.004-06:00

just enjoy.
you're welcome.

have you ever had a day like this?

2008-11-19T22:17:00.003-06:00

rhythm and grace

2008-11-16T19:04:00.002-06:00

my friends jimi and julaine have been journeyers for six or seven months now. when i was standing out on the front lawn of the warehouse after their first sunday to visit, i just thought they were cool people; i didn't know they had been missionaries in belize, and church planters, and knew all these people i knew, and had served with brian mclaren at cedar ridge church, and that jimi had been a rock musician for years back in the 60s and 70s and played witih a bunch of famous people.
i just knew i liked them and they had beautiful souls.
the other part was gravy.
the more we get to know them, it's more and more apparent that they just have warmth, and soul, and love. part of that just comes from god, i think. and part of it comes from serving in ministry in lots of different churches, and interacting with different kinds of people. julaine's like my wife leslie; she has a deeeeeeeeeep intuition about what god is up to; she listens. jimi's more like me; we tell stories and laugh. when they went to belize, and served there with a group of people for eight years, something changed in them. when they got back, they couldn't do the same churchy thing anymore. and they started ... emerging. and emerging-church-ing. and after a few years they ended up in austin, and through bob c they ended up at journey.
and then when we all started sharing our stories, we realized we knew all these same people blah blah blah, and had had very similar ministry experiences that had led us all off the grid.
jimi spoke today in worship gatherings at the jifc warehouse, and it was beautiful. just a man telling his story and encouraging us to get past skin color, and labels, and what we think we know about people, and realize that god prepares a table for us in front of our "enemies," and we're to offer the table to them, and invite them in.
and who knows ... sometimes we're on parallel paths with people, and know lots of the same people, and then you find somebody who's a friend, and you've already been soul friends for a long time and you just didn't know it ...

somehow this just feels like jesus stuff to me

2008-11-13T07:21:00.003-06:00

i just saw this on my igoogle page, which carries short news blurbs:

NORTHAMPTON, Mass. (AP) -- This isn't music to anyone's ears: The restoration of a church's 130-year-old organ has been delayed because four delicate pipes were damaged when a visitor napped on them.

The 18-foot pipes were among about 50 stored in the basement at First Churches in Northampton during the sanctuary's renovation.

The Rev. Peter Ives estimates the damage at close to $15,000. But he says the organ can be played without the pipes. Ives says the church will not press charges.

The man apparently mistook the pipes for rolled-up rugs and slept on them. He is a homeless man who was in the church for a job counseling meeting.

The congregation traces its history to the 17th century, and was home to 18th century preacher Jonathan Edwards.

there's just something sweet and adorable about every part of this story as reported - especially that a homeless man is at the church building, and he's looking for a job, and he falls asleep on some rolled-up rugs, and they turn out to be church organ pipes, and ... the pastor says the organ can be played without the pipes, and they're not going to press charges. i dunno. most news stories about religion make me angry or depressed; this one just gives me a little hope.

this just ain't right.

2008-11-11T18:53:00.002-06:00

my friend andrew sent me this picture with the title, "just not right ..."
i completely agree.
and - the little words under jesus' face quote the commandment "honor thy father and mother." ... i have no response to that.

me too. you too.

2008-11-10T07:38:00.001-06:00

nonprofitprophet speaks obamese

2008-11-07T16:52:00.004-06:00

here's nonprofitprophet's #44 on Obama.
you got to love the prophet! he speaks truth. not only about obama but about himself ... but then, anything i say about someone else says more about me than it does about the other person .................. and what the prophet says about himself is that he is dedicated and loyal and guarded and wise. duh.

go see this

2008-11-06T23:26:00.002-06:00

for anyone who doesn't get why barack obama and what his candidacy - and election - is inspirational for millions of americans and human beings around the world, check out carl's slideshow, his response to the 44 meme. it's really, really cool.

mobileme gallery - obama 44th president

i feel every bit of this.
is obama perfect? not. is he our savior? nope. we the people are called to do the work of america.
but i believe he's a good man trying to do a good thing. and that's rare in this world, much less in politics. so let's pray for him and help out.

my 44 things about POTUS 44

2008-11-05T12:10:00.005-06:00

this meme is fairly simple:

each blogger posts 44 things about the 44th President of the USA
somewhere in the post, the tag #44:44 is included, so all the posts are more easily tracked
each blogger then tags 4 other bloggers (or 44, if they are wacky) to invite them to post their own 44 things about the 44th President on their blog
i'm tagging: fenech @ raging bear talks; julie @ one hand clapping; jules @ afrique-in' out; gordon @ reallivepreacher.com; the road less traveled; mikey @ mikeyllikesit; carl @ simplegestures; and nonprofitprophet. many of you have already posted insightful and beautiful things in the past 2 days, in which case, you can ignore bob's guidelines and post fewer than 44, or cut and paste ... or ignore this (this is the land of the free-to-not-write-if-we-don't-feel-like-it)

here's what i came up with, in response to bob's invitation to this meme

1. barack obama is a funny and great name.
2. he and i are the same age.
3. that makes him a part of the same post-Baby-Boomer / early Gen-X generation as i am. (sometimes we're called postmoderns.) that means he is a part of a group of people in america who, in large part:

4. trust relationships more than external authority
5. have hope around, and belief in, serving something larger than themselves
6. are realistic optimists / optimistic realists
7. live in a space of those who were raised before the cyber-revolution, but live in a post-cyber-revolution world, and feel comfortable in both
8. see spirituality as holistic and large rather than limited and specific
9. have never known a world without political cynicism
10. were influenced as children and young adults by both the idealism and struggles of the New Frontier, the Great Society, and the Civil Rights movement
11. lived as teenagers and young adults through disco, punk, bad hair, bad fashion, 80's hair bands, the invention of MTV, VCRs, and cable television
12. have a strong aversion to what they see as the self-absorption of Baby Boomers
13. admire and respect the Great Generation
14. have never had a unifying "cause" ... until now
15. do not see racial differences and reject racial and ethnic characterizations
16. aren't afraid of change

17. obama bridges gaps between rich and poor, black white brown yellow and red, and appeals to a commonness in human beings
18. this is in part not due to his philosophical bent, but because he has been both black and white, both privileged and poor, and both authority and advocate
19. michele obama is strong and beautiful and smart and is the kind of woman most men would love to be partners with, but are in some ways afraid of (because of their strength, beauty and intelligence)
20. this says even more about the character of barack obama
21. as stephen colbert said, obama is our first Hawaiian president!
22. obama's hair is already getting gray
23. obama needs prayer - and not because his hair is getting gray. this is a big responsibility.
24. obama is vastly more attractive to me as a person and as a leader than hillary clinton would have been
25. in part this is because he has a humility that she does not
26. i saw in his face last night that he is feeling the weight of what he has signed up for
27. he will learn a lot as he goes; i believe he is someone who learns as he goes, and that's a helluvah good thing
28. he will do well if he picks very smart and centered people to surround himself with
29. he has already shown the ability to do that in those who advised him and helped him with his campaign
30. obama's political and philosophical values are, for me, the best of what christianity says it is about but mostly isn't about
31. this election has made me so proud of america
32. obama is going to piss a lot of people off because he will refuse to play to the lowest common denominator in people
33. obama will inspire many more people - as evidenced in his landslide victory - because he will refuse to play to the lowest common denominator in people
34. he has a great jump shot
35. as some commentator said last night, he is not interested in being a black president; he is interested in being a great president.
36. i honestly don't think obama has the jackie robinson burden - as in, the first black baseball player had to be head and shoulders above the expectations of anyone watching him as a player and as a man. i think the vast majority of americans are for the man and don't hold it against him that he's black, or half black, or whatever; i think what we're much more interested in is whether the man will do what he says he will do.
37. i believe obama has inspired and spoken to lots more americans than black people, young people, or well-educated people. and i'm glad about that.
38. i want healing. i believe barack obama will set a tone that is about healing in this culture
39. there will be people who will not want healing or reconciliation or hope or unity. fuck them. i'm tired of their rhetoric of hatred and fearmongering.
40. okay, okay. let's not discard them; let's love the shit out of them. for real.
41. god has called me personally to be someone who loves the shit out of them for real.
42. i want to meet barack obama and tell him i trust him and am praying for him
43. i want barack obama to read the book i'm writing about how i believe jesus is only love and the rest is bullshit
44. barack obama is brave and principled. that alone makes him worth supporting.

humility

2008-11-04T22:19:00.002-06:00

barack obama has today been elected as the 44th president of the united states of america.
no matter whom we would have elected today, this would have been a time to pray, and be still, and listen, and pledge ourselves to what is best about america.

john mccain's speech is classy, and powerful, and the right thing to say. my daughter just said, as he's speaking, "that's the john mccain i've always respected." me too.

president-elect obama's speech was all about what i believe in: unity. possibility. reaching out past party lines and partisanship. service. honor. respect. hope.
that's my jesus. and that's my america. and that's my heart.

it's time to stop being red states and blue states, and be the united states.
it's time to stop being against each other, and for our country together.
i reach out to my brothers and sisters, and fellow citizens, of all faiths, all parties, all beliefs, all opinions.

i am ready to work.

this is important. this is a moment that we can't see the importance of yet, no matter what happens.
pray. be still. listen. serve with humility and hope.

what is it for, election, part 2

2008-11-02T21:48:00.003-06:00

so. tuesday we americans will vote for who we think should be president of the united states for the next four years. our votes will be gathered by states, and each state will have a bunch of credits, and the credits for each state will go to the person overall that that state chose. which i think is odd, because what if my state doesn't vote for the person i want? but anyway.
and this time, there's no incumbent. that's odd, too. it almost never happens, right?
so NOW, A LITTLE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION HISTORY, which i got from the interwebs.

SINCE WWII:

1948 - harry truman was fdr's v.p. and then replacement as president; he defeats dewey.
1952 - eisenhower vs adlai stevenson - no incumbent there. except that eisenhower was god of america after winning the war in europe, so that almost doesn't count.
1956 - president eisenhower defeats stevenson again (is that right? that's what the history webpage said)
1960 - nixon, eisenhower's v.p., runs against kennedy.
1964 - president johnson, kennedy's replacement, defeats goldwater.
1968 - former v.p. nixon runs (again), and defeats johnson's v.p., humphrey.
1972 - president nixon defeats mcgovern.
1976 - president ford, nixon's replacement, loses to jimmy carter.
1980 - president carter loses to ronald reagan.
1984 - president reagan defeats jimmy carter's v.p. walter mondale.
1988 - reagan's v.p. bush the 1st defeats dukakis.
1992 - president bush loses to bill clinton.
1996 - president clinton defeats bob dole.
2000 - clinton's v.p. al gore and bush the 2nd ... tie? sort of? gore is elected but bush takes office; how's that.
2004 - president bush defeats john kerry.

and that leaves ... 2008.
v.p. cheney doesn't run. that means the republican nom is wide open. the man who is nominated is longtime senator john mccain.
former v.p. gore doesn't run. that means the democratic nom is sort of wide open. i mean, the former first lady runs, but that's not exactly a presidential incumbency. and illinois senator barack obama is nominated.

tuesday's election is a huge "what's it for?" moment. this is, in many ways, a fresh start, regardless of whom we elect.
and so my question is, as i think about this election, and what's coming in our next few days and months and years, is, what is it for? what's this fresh start for? what can we do with it? not, what can our new president do with it, but, what can i do? what can we do? what can jifc do?

i want to respond, no matter what happens, with love and hope and courage.
i think there are millions of people in our country who are trying to do the same thing, on both sides.
there are also people in our country who are responding with fear, and paranoia, and blame, and hatred.
i say, No. i will respond with love. i will respond with courage. i will respond with hope.
that's what it's for, for me, in this moment.

ps if i got any of the history wrong, let me know. i'll forward the comment to the interwebs.

what is it for?

2008-10-28T14:57:00.002-06:00

last sunday in journey's worship gathering i said that my fellow journeyer mike lawrence had suggested in a journey somethingorother some time back that the right question always to ask, about every decision, about everything you or i feel led to do, or want to do, or are already doing, is: What's it for?
as i live intentionally, and with attention to what i'm doing and why, i find that this question is more and more satisfying to ask. i like it. i mean, i DON'T like it when what i find is that there's really no good reason to do something ... or, that there's every reason NOT to do something i like doing.

journey i.f.c. exists and operates, for over 4 years now. what's it for? what does it accomplish? why is it here?
marriages exist. what're they for? what do they accomplish? why do they continue? why put effort into them?
there's a friendship. what's it for? what does it accomplish? how is the world different because it exists? what if it didn't exist?
your business, where you work - what's it for?
your house, or apartment, or mansion - what is its purpose? how are you using it, and for what?
the way you eat, or drink, or read, or play, or ride a bicycle, or knit, or garden, or watch movies or tv - why? what does that pattern accomplish?
your money, and what you do with it - what's it for? what does it produce? what does it achieve?

for me, this goes more and more and more to the real issue, which is awareness. consciousness. attention. i don't know everything about why i do what i do, but i can learn more and more. sometimes when i look back at certain decisions in my life, or patterns, they might be things that for years i saw as train wrecks, and now i see that they meant something. if i hurt someone or hurt myself, it may have been that my soul was trying to work something out. that's what it was for. i can go back, and make amends, and forgive myself and others, because i don't need for that decision to be anything other than what it was.
there are other negative or hurtful things i've chosen, and i don't see any redemption in them at all ... what i see is that i wasn't in awareness when i was in the middle of it. i was hurting, so i was hurtful. can i learn from that, and make different decisions next time? yes. i hope so.

jesus was all about awareness. he was a mirror. a mirror with god in it, but a mirror nevertheless. he'd ask people, "What do you want?" and then he'd say, "Your faith/trust/hope/guts brought about your healing." you were willing to look deep into what you have been choosing, and why you've been choosing it, and decide. and you decided healing and hope and possibility. you chose to get up and walk. you chose to trust something bigger than yourself.

what's it for? god asks us. like god in the garden of eden, after adam and eve had done the thing god told them not to do, and god says, "Adam, where are you?" god asks me, "What are you doing? why?"
when i am strong and patient and compassionate with myself and others, i can look honestly, and own whatever it is, and what it produces, and what it's for ... and ask, is this a good thing?

well, you'll still need a tray

2008-10-25T14:52:00.002-06:00

here is the brilliant, wonderful eddie izzard, as interpreted by Thorn2200, who ... makes lego characters of eddie izzard's funny stories.

growing up with the boys

2008-10-23T05:25:00.003-06:00

the men of U2 and i are the same age. there is something powerful about shared cultural experience. gigantic shifts in what happens to a generation. there's identity there. a way to see. larry, adam, bono, and the edge have shared theirs as they've gone along, and a few zillion people have sung and danced to the music. but it's more than that for lots of us, and for me: these men are in lots of ways telling my story back to me.

our early 20's: we looked GREAT in the early 80s, when we were just getting up on our wobbly young-adult legs. christians. late 20's: we began to feel our power in the late 80s, and direct our passions toward meaningful things. still christians, but not so sweet.
but we were disillusioned in our 30s, and asked, something's wrong but what is it? and we sang about it. we realized it's a mystery - and a mixed bag at best.
we felt like just checking out at a few points. tired. laughing. but not. where's god now? whatever.
and then, in our 40s, our hearts woke back up. partly because of our pain. and we rediscovered joy. and there was god. but not a cute god - deeper than that. now, as we leave our 40's, we're more deeply passionate than we ever were - still pissed off, still hopeful, but breathing and not anxious. i would wonder what's next, but there's only this moment - and now that's fine.

high school reunion stall phone call re dog

2008-10-19T19:59:00.004-06:00

my wife and i went this past weekend to dallas, for my wife's 30th high school reunion. it was really fun. my wife looked like THE BOMB! beautiful in a shiny red dress. i dressed up in a suit i bought just last week. it's the first suit i've had since high school. it was, believe it or not, fun to dress up. as long as i don't have to dress up like that every day, or even every sunday. ugh.
we stayed with my wife's college roommate, sharon, a single mom who is hilarious and has a beautiful heart.
i got to meet a bunch of people i've heard about for years. plus, i got to see my awesome friend greg and meet his friend valerie. that rocked.

so i'm standing at the urinal in the men's room at one point during the party last night. this is happening at a country club in dallas, very fancy. beautiful rest room, with an entryway with cushy chairs. clean rest room, too. and as i'm urinating, i hear a man speaking pretty loudly behind me. i realize he's in a stall. i wonder if he's sitting down, or talking on his cell phone while standing, which can be done, but it's challenging.
anyway, imagine an accent like jeff foxworthy's. not horribly countryfied, but a texan/southern voice. i don't quite know what he's talking about at first. it's just disorienting. i can't see him. and the voice is sort of echoing. i hear something about mama. it sounds like he's talking to a friend. about a dog ... he says he'll come and take care of it ... he says something about "put to sleep." he chuckles.
is he a hit man?
then i hear him saying, "yes, mama. i know. you've had him a long time. he's been a good dog." and then, "you need to put him down. i know. it'll be alright." then something about "the cats" and then "sister" and "i don't like 'em."
i'm finished peeing now but i can't stop listening to this. it's fascinating. and weird. oh - and the country club wallpaper i was looking at was very nice.
he then adds, "hey, laurie lawrence [i made that up; i don't know whose name he said, but it was one of the people at the reunion] says hi. laurie and her husband, billy [or whatever her husband's name was] says hi too. you remember them. don't you remember? she was a senior ..."
and then i zip, flush, and leave. i allow a quick look to the left, and sure enough he's sitting in the stall; i see his feet. maybe he's avoiding the reunion. maybe it's a girl who broke his heart. or someone he broke up with. or maybe his wife wanted to come to the reunion more than he did. or maybe it's a digestive issue - but the bathroom smelled so nice and country-club-recently-cleaned, probably not. maybe it's just that his mother's needing help with this sick-dog dilemma.
as i'm washing my hands, he's still talking.
i think about staying outside the men's room, just to watch who comes out. (i'd do it looking aside, like a detective in the movies.) but i don't. who knows? maybe it's one of my wife's favorite friends, and i'd hate to tell her his mom was putting the dog down.

son of jor-el and joe the plumber's dad mix it up

2008-10-17T08:27:00.002-06:00

go watch obama and mccain make fun of themselves and each other.
i know it's a corny thought, but i believe it's a healthy thing for rivals to be willing to joke together.
that's something i value about this country.

i have hope that, even in some small way, that could be a reminder of what we americans want to see happen in washington and beyond: get over it, focus on what the needs are, and do some good.

hooked in the leg: Poverty in Austin

2008-10-15T06:27:00.003-06:00

a friend and i were on our way to go fishing some time ago and as we're carrying our poles and gear toward the lake, i hear him say "oh. crap." i turn around and there's a large lure with two treble-hooks near his leg. turns out, one of the treble hooks was stuck in his leg. there followed a few hours of various possible solutions -

cut the hook? where? do we have any wire-cutter pliers? i didn't bring my tools. shit.
maybe we can detach the hook itself from the lure. that'd help. can you get your fingers between the lure and the hook?
why'd i do that? why did i leave that lure on the rod? why didn't i put it in the tackle box?
i need a beer. we bought beer, right?
oh, shit. i shouldn't chugged that beer. i'm light-headed now. i may throw up.
does anybody around here have any wire-cutters? hey - let's ask that guy.
that guy doesn't have any. what about the guy up the hill?
(there was a guy, with a g.p.s., and a phone that can do this cool little find-businesses feature, and we spent 20 minutes while this guy tried to find the little local 24-hour-minor-emergency clinic, and he couldn't figure it out, and it was his own phone.)
i guess let's drive back to town to the hospital. which one? which way?
the guy with the g.p.s. said it's over to the right in town. (it wasn't.)
wait, you figured out how to detach it from the lure? cool. now what?
does it hurt?

we drove to town, went to the little local 24-hour-minor-emergency clinic. it took an hour for them to get what was left of the hook out of his leg, and give him a tetanus shot, and bandage him up.
at that point, what should we do? screw it. let's just go eat.

based on what i know from listening to my homeless brothers and sisters, and my students when i taught college english classes years ago, and the people who slump into my office at journey's warehouse and look like they've been beaten up, and my own brokenness and feeling of lostness, i think that poverty must feel like having the hook stuck in your leg.

what i did for my friend, as i recall, was to stand with him, and listen, and not jostle stuff, and drive him to the clinic, and carry his stuff, and not say anything about what happened, and eat supper with him, and keep asking "how's the leg?" and ask people for wire-cutter pliers. he and the hook had their own relationship; i was just there to be a friend, and to help as i was able, and to bear witness. it all turned out okay; we found resources; his arm hurt for a while because of the tetanus shot but it was worth it.
and even - or maybe especially - if it hadn't turned out okay, i'd still have been needed as a friend, to help as i was able, and to bear witness.

hammering thoughts into unity

2008-10-13T11:46:00.004-06:00

I'm a little ... tired. I think August/September just wore me out. my daughter applying to UT was a huge amount of work. Lots of paperwork, applications, worrying over this and that, essays, etc. etc. etc. But it's worth it, because going to UT is her dream.
Start of school was also exhausting. So was start of ministry year at JIFC, officer elections, etc. And the worship unit JIFC is doing now is hard work; it takes great intention and attention and focus.
And, I'm working to finish my book proposal and I have this deep sense that the book is just wrong. but i'm wrestling it into submission. okay, that's not quite right - we're talking to each other. 2 years ago when i started it, it was about the same things McLaren and Phyllis Tickle and the emergents have written about since then: the world is changing, Christianity is changing, the former things are passing away, and that's a good thing. it was actually a rant at first. but in the 2 years i've been working on it, and we've all been building JIFC, i don't have the need to rant anymore. i'm not interested in reforming organized Christianity; it's irrelevant to where we live out on the frontier. that was the first part of the book anyway; the second part is the part i like, which is basically what we're about at JIFC theologically, philosophically - orthopraxy as well as orthodoxy, god is at work in all things, follow Jesus and shut up, etc. my theology? all jesus was talking about was/is love, god is love, the rest is bullshit.
every morning when i work on it i feel ... odd. partly afraid, partly stupid, partly "this is all old hat by now and you have nothing to say. it's all being said already."
but then, i remember that what we are doing and saying and living as journeyers is making a difference in the world, and that matters. and maybe it will help some folks out there.
so, pray for me at 6 a.m. each morning when i head to the man-cave and write and stare and scratch my head. pray that i don't sit there and sort itunes instead of, as yeats said, "hammering my thoughts into unity."

the dark toy story

2008-10-12T07:05:00.001-06:00

change one thing, then ...

2008-10-09T19:22:00.002-06:00

i've been experimenting with blog templates. i have no idea how to BUILD one from scratch; i've just been browsing around out there for templates that say they go with blogger. it's a crapshoot. i just felt like rearranging - i'm finishing my book proposal, it's fall (my favorite time of year), and it just felt like a fun thing to do.
however, like remodeling, you do one thing, then you realize there's about fifteen other things that need to be done too. there's no changing one element on your blog template - they all go together.
i tried to find a template that's all kinds of things all settled and lovely, and just plug my stuff in with the click of a mouse, but so far, no luck. so, i'm experimenting.

this of course is like the spiritual journey.